How to Shift Your Perspective on Rejection

From a negative experience to a valuable opportunity for growth

Hi everyone! Welcome back for another edition of A Joyful Life. 

I LOVE and look forward to writing these editions for five reasons. 

One, I get to reflect on my experiences, draw insights, and share them with YOU. 

Two, it helps me keep joy, peace, and happiness at the front of my mind. 

Three, because they’re at the top of my mind, I’m more resilient. 

Fourth, I get to think about and understand the concepts better myself. 

And last, I feel I’m making a positive contribution to the world. 

I hope these newsletters are adding joy to your life. I hope they’re valuable. I hope they’re relatable, authentic, and personal. 

Everything that social media is not. 

Are you ready for today’s topic? 

We’re going to talk about rejection, how to shift your perspective on it, and how to use it as a catalyst to get better!

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Getting rejected is not fun. 

It feels like getting a punch in the gut. It leaves you feeling inadequate, stuck, and unworthy. 

Here’s my step-by-step process on how I’ve been dealing with rejection.

Step 1: Process the rejection.

“Bummer.” 

That’s what my INTJ friend said when a huge project fell through. (He would’ve made thousands every month from this coding project.) 

But he shrugged the rejection off just like that. 

I’m not at the stage where I can ‘shrug it off’ yet. I still feel that initial sting when I get rejected from a lead or job. 

But rather than wallow in self-pity—like I used to do—, I’ve learned to process the rejection. To address those negative feelings head-on instead of letting them creep up and hit me like a ton of bricks later. 

Because they will. 

So, step 1 is to write down what happened. It’s best to do this with a pen or pencil and paper. 

For example, I might write, “I applied to a marketing job I *really* wanted but they sent me a typical rejection email with no feedback on my application.” 

This simple acknowledgment helps prevent those negative feelings from festering and overwhelming me later on.

Step 2: Rejection doesn’t define you.

“You’re dumb. You’re incompetent. Nobody is going to hire you.” 

These thoughts would fill my mind after every rejection. I would let the rejections define me. I would start to doubt my skills. And my worth. 

But here’s what I realized: Everyone gets rejected. Many record companies rejected The Beatles early on in their career. Facebook and Twitter rejected Brian Acton. He ended up co-founding WhatsApp and sold it to Facebook for 19 billion dollars. 

Do you know what both of these examples have in common? 

The Beatles and Brian didn’t let rejection define (or stop) them. 

So step 2 is, after you’ve written down what happened, challenge your negative self-talk. Write down your strengths. Write down what you love about yourself. 

To continue with my example, I wrote down, “You’re not dumb. You’re learning and getting better every day. You’re not incompetent. You’ve moved and lived in 3 different countries. You’ve taught and managed a class of 26 elementary kids. You’ve learned how to create a website, landing page, thank you page, educational email course, and so much more. Maybe the timing is wrong right now, but you will find your dream client and dream job. Keep going. You can do it.” 

Use rejection as a chance to practice self-compassion and to challenge your negative self-talk by listing your strengths and accomplishments.

Step 3: Rejection is redirection.

I first read this short, Zen story in Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty. And I was reminded of it again when Sahil Bloom shared it on his LinkedIn: 

“There once was an old Zen farmer. 

Every day, the farmer used his horse to help work his fields and keep his farm healthy. 

But one day, the horse ran away. 

All the villagers came by and said, “We're so sorry to hear this. This is such bad luck.” 

But the farmer responded, “Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” 

The villagers were confused but decided to ignore him. 

A few weeks went by and then one afternoon, while the farmer was working outside, he looked up and saw his horse running toward him. 

But the horse was not alone. 

The horse was returning to him with a whole herd of horses. So now the farmer had 10 horses to help work his fields. 

All the villagers came by to congratulate the farmer and said, “Wow! This is such good luck!” 

But the farmer responded, “Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?”

A few weeks later, the farmer's son came over to visit and help his father work on the farm. 

While trying to tame one of the horses, the farmer’s son fell and broke his leg. 

The villagers came by to commiserate and said, “How awful. This is such bad luck.” 

Just as he did the first time, the farmer responded, “Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” 

A month later, the farmer’s son was still recovering. He wasn’t able to walk or do any manual labour to help his father around the farm. 

A regiment of the army came marching through town conscripting every able-bodied young man to join them. 

When the regiment came to the farmer’s house and saw the young boy's broken leg, they marched past and left him where he lay. 

Of course, all the villagers came by and said, “Amazing! This is such good luck. You're so fortunate.” 

And you know the farmer’s response by now… "Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” 

Every time the villagers thought something ‘bad’ or ‘unlucky’ happened, it turned out to be a blessing. 

Has that ever happened in your life? Where something you thought was bad, later, turned out to be a good thing? 

Maybe, a relationship didn’t work out but you met someone even better after. Maybe, after countless job rejections, you got a job offer with a salary that was 3x higher than all the previous jobs. Or maybe, you got laid off and then, used that time to pursue, build, and grow your business. 

So, this leads to step 3 which is to remind yourself when you’ve been rejected, when something doesn’t work out, when something doesn’t go according to the way you had it planned out… 

Keep the faith that you’re being redirected to something better. Something far greater than you could’ve ever imagined or hoped for. 

I do this by writing in my journal, “What is meant for me, will be for me. God has plans for me. Not to harm me. But to prosper me.” Then, I read it aloud a few times. Give it a try. 

Step 4: How can you do better next time?

By now, I’ve addressed my feelings. Practiced self-compassion. Challenged my negative self-talk. And I’ve embraced the idea that rejection is redirection. 

This is when I begin to ask myself, “How can I get better? How can I do better? What is in my control?” 

For example, lately, I’ve gotten a few messages from my ideal clients, asking about my service. They weren’t super clear about my services, packages, or process. 

So, what did I do? 

I refined my offer. 

I followed the process outlined in Alex Hormozi’s book, $100M Offers. I got clear on my ideal client’s dream outcomes. I thought about ways I could maximize my perceived likelihood of achievement. I added a guarantee. Then, I put it all together in Canva. 

Now, I feel more confident about my offer and selling it. If it sells, great, I’m on the right track. If it doesn’t, then I need to refine and adjust it again. I’ll keep doing that until it sells well and delivers. 

So, step 4 is to think about how you can improve. 

In the context of relationships, instead of focusing on finding your dream partner, why don’t you direct that energy into bettering yourself? Get to know yourself and work on yourself because you attract who you are. 

In the context of job searching, could you tailor your CV and cover letter to each job description? Could you send a video cover letter? 

In the context of business, how can you create systems for the things you do regularly to increase your efficiency and improve your client onboarding experience? 

Use rejection as a catalyst for growth.

Step 5: Inoculate yourself against rejection.

It may not feel like it in the moment, but rejection is a good thing. 

It means you’re trying. You’re getting out of your comfort zone. You’re ‘shooting your shot’ with a boy. A job. A business. Anything. 

On the reverse, if you’re not getting rejected, then you’re (probably) coasting through life. 

Now, the great news is, that the more you get rejected, the easier it gets. 

For example, I’ve always wanted to be a barista. When I was younger, I dreamed of living in Europe, working in a cafe, clocking out at the end of my shift, and enjoying a slow, peaceful, and meaningful life, surrounded by people I love. 

So last weekend, I decided to give it a try. 

But here’s the thing. I don’t speak Hungarian. And I don’t have barista experience. 

That didn’t stop me though. 

I printed out my new CV, tailored for a barista position, and I walked in the city for four hours going cafe to cafe to hand in my resume. 

I was a bundle of nerves going into that first cafe. And by the 10th? It felt like a breeze. 

So, step 5 is to inoculate yourself against rejection by getting rejected more often. 

How? 

Send the cold pitch. Ask the boy out. Launch that business. Talk to a stranger on the street. 

What’s the worst that could happen? 

If you never ask, if you never try, the likelihood of something happening will always be zero. 

But on the reverse, the more you ask, the more you try, the more likely something will happen. 

So, take more chances. Get rejected more often. 

Final Thoughts

Embrace rejection. 

Look for the lesson and opportunity to grow from it. 

And trust you’re being redirected to something far better than you could’ve imagined for yourself. 

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How I’m Building My Happiness Muscles

Her Psychology—This is an Instagram account I discovered this week.

Connie talks about filling your cup first, how to break free of self-limiting beliefs, simple ways to be kind to yourself, and so much more.

Also, Connie was a highly sensitive and introverted child growing up, so I related to her content a lot.

Check out and follow her account for simple reminders whenever you need a boost of motivational and inspirational content.

Peaceful Mind, Peaceful Life—"A negative mind finds fault in everything, but a positive mind finds opportunity in everything."

I moved around often, always searching for joy, meaning, and purpose. When I didn’t find it in a city, I'd believe something was wrong with the place and move again.

Now I know, the problem was me: my negative mind.

As the saying goes, "A negative mind will never give you a positive life."

If You've Been Rejected - WATCH THIS | by Jay Shetty—Jay is a master storyteller.

He offers practical tips based on ancient wisdom that teach us how to live a peaceful, purposeful, and more meaningful life.

I tend to listen to his content to reflect, refuel, and refocus whenever I feel down.

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Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene