You Are Not Your Personality Type Result
I used to be obsessed with my INFJ personality type. Here’s why that was holding me back.
👋 Hi, I’m Irene!
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Read Time: 3.22 minutes
Your test results:
“The Advocate” (INFJ-T)
That's what the email said from the 16 Personalities Test.
I had no idea what those letters meant at the time.
Little did I know, these letters would shape my identity for the next six years.
Here are three reasons why that was a problem.
“What’s your MBTI?”
This became my favourite question to ask people.
If they didn’t know, I’d guess based on what I knew about them.
The scary part?
If they knew, I’d change my opinion of them if they weren’t one of my favoured types.
I’d think, “Oh, they’re an [Insert type.]. We won’t get along in the long run.” Or, “Wow! They’re an [Insert type.]. I’d love to get to know them more!”
This applied to not only my platonic friendships but also potential relationships. The pigeonholing was worse for my dates.
If they weren’t an INTJ, ENFP, and ENTP (the supposed soul mates, friend mates, and mind mates of the INFJ), I’d get disappointed and worry if we’d have a successful relationship or not.
Now that I’m a little older (and wiser ;)), I’ve realized the Myers-Briggs Personality Test is a tool. It’s not a definitive label.
So let’s focus on individuality instead of putting people into boxes.
Let’s focus on shared values, mutual respect, and open communication instead of predetermined expectations.
And let’s form authentic, deep and long-lasting connections beyond just understanding their personality type.
These four letters became my excuse for everything
If I didn’t want to go to dinner on Friday night after work? “I’m an INFJ—My social battery is drained so I want to be alone.”
If I didn’t want to go out and meet people in a new city? “I’m an INFJ—I don’t need many friends, only the right ones.”
If I didn’t want to do something, I justified it with my personality type.
The problem? I became close-minded. I wasn’t open to new experiences or new people.
So what I’ve learned is this: Don’t let your personality type limit your experiences or become a barrier to your personal growth.
Challenge yourself to do at least one activity outside of your comfort zone every month.
We grow when we expose ourselves to new thoughts, experiences, or people.
It’s one of the ways to create an enriching and happy life.
I put myself in a box
I spent all my free time reading about INFJs on Quora, Dear Introvert, and random Tumblr pages. Why?
For the ego, because INFJs are supposedly the rarest personality type.
Out of curiosity, because I wanted to learn more about myself.
And for connection, because I felt less lonely when I realized other people were like me.
I told myself (over and over and over again), “I’m an INFJ. I’m an introvert. I’m shy.” The problem? I became more of an INFJ. More introverted. And more shy.
Here’s the thing: The words you tell yourself matter.
If you tell yourself you’re an INFJ, you’ll behave like the traits you read about.
If you tell yourself you’re an introvert, you’ll act like an introvert.
And if you tell yourself you’re shy, you’ll stay shy.
Instead of telling yourself these things, why not let yourself explore and evolve who you are?
Why not embrace the idea that personality is fluid and can change over time?
Don’t confine yourself to a fixed label.
Final Thoughts
Personality tests are tools for self-reflection.
They’re not fixed definitions of who you are.
It’s okay to take the tests but take the results with a grain of salt.
If you want to (really) get to know who you are, build self-awareness instead. How?
Tune into your feelings and thoughts. Pay attention to how you feel when you do, see, or listen to certain things.
Use these indicators to figure out your values, your strengths, and the person you want to become.
Before You Go
Thank you so much for reading today’s entry!
I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:
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I’d really appreciate it if you could reply because it helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about and to make sure what I write is helpful and valuable for you. I read every single reply. 😊
With all my love,
Irene
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