🌸 8 Tips to Build Your Confidence So You Can Live a Happier Life

And 3 resources to build your happiness muscles.

👋 Hi, I’m Irene!

Every Sunday at 9 AM EST, you'll get one anecdote, lesson, or tip I've learned on how to be a better & happier person - to help you in becoming better and happier, too.

Read Time: 9.14 minutes

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Hi everyone! Welcome back to another edition of The Happiness Diary. 

How was your week?! As always, feel free to respond and let me know how you’ve been doing. 

As for me, this week was a whirlwind of emotions. 

Lots of excitement—I started working on a project for a podcaster. 

Lots of hope—Hoping that everything will proceed smoothly with my projects. 

Lots of anxiety—Worried (somehow) the projects will fall through. 

Lots of sadness—Because I was in the middle of talking to another potential client but it didn’t work out. 

LOTS (yes, it needed to be in all caps) of self-doubt and imposter syndrome, which is our topic for today so let’s dive in! 

Buckle up because this is a LONG one. 

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On Confidence

Have you ever struggled with self-doubt and imposter syndrome?

You know, feeling like you’re not good enough. You’re way over your head. A fraud. And scared someone will expose you.

Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Why?

Because I pivoted from ghostwriting social media captions to Educational Email Courses and newsletters in the middle of December. So I feel like I’m starting from zero.

In the last month, I’ve had to learn how to create high-converting landing pages, thank-you pages, set up sequences, visual automation, and self-pacing. And how to do cold outreach (properly).

So yes, I’ve been feeling like an imposter as I tell people I’m the right person to work with to build their newsletter. ;’)

Here’s how I’ve been building my confidence to overcome my self-doubt and imposter syndrome to live a happier life.

The obstacle is the way.

“I love having my back against the wall.” 

My brother said this to me last May when we were talking about our careers, finances, and life. 

Right now, he’s a Regional Manager of a Fortune 500 Company. He makes over six figures a year. He owns one property. He has a dog. He’s in a long-term relationship. And he’s jacked—He’s completed in two bodybuilding competitions. 

Most people envy him. They say he’s successful and living the Canadian dream. 

But… they don’t know what it took for him to get there. 

Let’s rewind to 2017. 

At the time, our parents had moved to Budapest. He had just graduated from university. Started a new job. Was 20K in student debt. Had no money. And his ex-girlfriend (also, his best friend since grade nine) left him for another guy so he had to move out of their apartment. He had to move into his friend’s basement because he had nowhere else to go. 

Most people would break at this point. 

But, he didn’t. 

“One day, I was driving to work and tears were streaming down my face. I told myself, “I’m going to make something of myself. Just watch”,” that’s what he told me. 

For years, he stayed in that tiny room with no bed—he slept on a couch—living out of his suitcase, while he put his head down and worked. 

He’d get up at 5 AM to journal and read. Work from 6 AM to 7 PM. Do his workout. Do another hour of cardio. And go to sleep. He even went in on Sundays to do extra work that wasn’t required of him. He did this for years. 

And slowly, he worked his way up from Assistant Manager. To Branch Manager. And now, to Regional Manager. 

My brother is one of the most confident people you will ever meet. He told me he loves having his back against the wall because that’s when you have nothing left to lose. 

It forces you to be resourceful. It forces you to work hard. It forces you to find a way to break through. 

And when you do break through, it feels incredible, knowing you overcame your obstacles, all the odds, knowing you made it. 

As Ryan Holiday wrote, “When we meet with adversity, we can turn it into an advantage. [...] When you have a goal, obstacles are actually teaching you how to get where you want to go—carving you a path.” 

How? 

As my brother did, look for the opportunity in the obstacle. Get to work. Work hard. Focus on what is in your control. Live in the present moment. Be honest. And help others whenever you can. 

That’s how you build confidence in yourself. 

Keep the promises you make to yourself.

You’re always watching yourself. 

You know whether you’re going to follow through on what you said you’d do—or not—based on your past behaviour. And every time you don’t do what you say you’re going to do, you chip away at your confidence. 

Each time I tell myself I’m going to stretch for 45 minutes and don’t, I’m chipping away at my confidence. Each time I tell myself I’m going to send another cold DM and don’t, I’m chipping away at my confidence. Each time I tell myself I’m going to finish 75 Hard and don’t, I’m chipping away at my confidence. 

Do what you say you’re going to do. That’s the key to building confidence. 

Get better.

An underrated way of building confidence? 

Get better at what you suck at. 

For example, I don’t feel confident about writing, building, and launching Educational Email Courses and newsletters. Why? 

Because I *literally* just started learning these skills. 

So what have I been doing? 

I’ve been reading and implementing the lessons I’ve learned from the top newsletters about newsletter growth. I’ve been watching YouTube tutorials whenever I get stuck on something. I’ve been creating landing pages, thank you pages, and writing newsletters for others for free to get better at it and refine my processes. 

My advice is, to take a look at where you feel most unconfident. Is it your career? Your finances? Your physical health? Your mental health? Or your relationships? 

Then, dedicate 30 minutes to an hour every day focusing on a skill that could help you build your confidence in that area. 

Don’t let being afraid of ‘sucking’ hold you back. 

Everyone—all confident and successful people—started at the bottom. 

Feed your mind people and things that encourage confidence.

As Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” 

To be honest, I don’t spend much time with anyone other than my partner haha. 🥲

My best friends are in Canada and Taiwan. And I haven’t made much of an effort to make friends in Hungary. 

Instead, most of my “interactions” so to speak come from writers I’ve met online, authors, podcasters and YouTubers who are inspiring, empowering, and positive. 

Because who you spend time with and what you feed your mind matters. 

So choose wisely. 

Fill your head with positive, uplifting, and encouraging words about yourself. 

“I’m so dumb. I’m a failure.” 

These thoughts have been popping into my mind multiple times a day recently. Does this happen to anyone else, or is it just me haha? 🥲

But I know it’s because I’m in a transition period right now. I’m in a period where I’m doing things I’ve never done before. Where I’m learning. And where I’m failing (epically haha). 

It’s scary how our minds can be our greatest enemy if we can’t control it. But it can also be our greatest ally. 

The first step to being friends with your mind is to recognize that not all thoughts are true. 

Then, address it. Ask yourself, “Why am I having these thoughts,” to get to the root of the problem. 

And finally, replace it with a more empowering one. 

I do this in three ways. First, I *literally* shout out loud “Stop,” to stop the negative self-talk dead in its tracks. 

Then, I say something like, “No, you’re not dumb. You’re learning. You’re growing. You’re getting better every day.” 

Second, I like to recite positive affirmations whenever I need a lil’ pick me up. I recommend Lavendaire on YouTube for this. 

And third, I write, “I am worthy of love. I am worthy of success. I am worthy of abundance,” when I’m journaling. 

What you think and say about yourself matters because it reflects your reality. 

So make sure you’re filling your head with positive, uplifting, and encouraging words about yourself. 

Celebrate your small wins by tracking your progress. 

Why? 

Because it gives you the momentum to keep going even when it feels like you’re not making any progress. 

How have I been doing this? Two ways.

First, I’ve started writing down my small wins and adding them to my Happiness Jar. It feels rewarding to see those little notes piling up in my jar.

Second, I have a habit tracker on Notion. Each time I finish a non-negotiable task for the day, I tick the box off. 

Both of these little tricks remind me I’m working on my goals every day. 

And that’s something to be proud of.

Practice gratitude daily to help you remember all the good in your life and the positive things about yourself that make you unique.

I’ve been focusing on my lack a lot lately.

Lack of quality clients. Lack of family and friends around me. Lack of progress.

I realized it’s (actually) scary how, if we’re not aware of our feelings and thoughts, they sweep us away and determine the rest of our lives.

To counter this, I’ve been intentional about carving time for gratitude to focus on what I do have.

My partner. My parents. My brother. My long-distance friends.

And also, to be grateful for my strengths and skills, and the opportunities and choices I’ve had so far.

My work ethic. My willingness to show up to do what needs to get done. My growth mindset.

Recognizing and expressing gratitude for these positive aspects not only shifts my perspective but also boosts my confidence.

It reminds me of the valuable qualities I have, which helps me build a more positive mindset.

So I encourage you to practice gratitude daily to help you remember all the good in your life and the positive things about yourself that make you unique.

You can do this through journaling or just saying it in your head.

These are powerful tips to shift your perspective and build your confidence.

Confident people treat themselves with respect by caring for their minds, bodies, and souls.

What’s the first thing that gets thrown out of the window when we’re busy, stressed, or depressed? 

For me (and maybe for you, too), it’s self-care. Why? 

Two reasons. One, we often perceive self-care as lower in priority compared to our other 'urgent' tasks.

For example, I’m guilty of thinking, “I need to do more. I should be doing more,” because I work for myself. So lately, I’ve been telling myself, “Look, it’s more important you finish this task than go on a 45-minute walk.” 

Now (obviously) this depends on your situation, but in my experience, I’m almost always more productive and finish a task with more efficiency after a walk. 

Two, we just might not have the energy to do them with our busy schedules. 

As a result, we start to let ourselves go. And our confidence plummets. 

So I’d argue that it’s precisely when we’re busy, stressed, and depressed that we need to put more time and energy into our self-care. 

What do we need to do? Work out. Go for walks. Eat healthy. Sleep well. Drink water. Stretch. Read. And do the things you love. 

Because confident people treat themselves with respect by caring for their minds, bodies, and souls. 

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How I’m Building My Happiness Muscles

• #374: How I Get Through Tough Times & Find My Happiness with Heather!—This is the first episode I’ve listened to from this podcast. I felt like I was listening to a big sister giving me advice. I loved Heather’s energy, passion, and insights. She reminded me that the most selfish thing we can do is to help others. And that a simple way to feel better when we’re going through a hard time is to help someone else. 

• Good Vibes, Good Life—I read this book by Vex King a while ago. But I like to re-read sections of it whenever I need a quick pick-me-up. It’s a positive, uplifting book with short, actionable tips and takeaways on living a happier and healthier life.

• 5 Minute Morning Meditation for Abundance🌿—I found this video just this morning and it couldn’t have happened at a more appropriate time! It’s another video by Lavendaire (Can you tell I love her work 🤣??) It’s a short guided meditation to help you start your day with abundance, positive energy, and powerful visualization.

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Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter. 

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest takeaway

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

It helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about so I can write content that’s helpful and relevant for you! 

Thank you so much for that! 

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

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P.S. Whenever you’re ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:

1. I ghostwrite newsletters for wellness podcasters.

2. Grab my FREE Notion template to build your second brain.

3. Read my FREE 5-Day Educational Email Course about email growth.