🌸 5 Small but Meaningful Ways to Be a Better Friend and Build Deep, Fulfilling, and Long-lasting Connections
The older I get, the more I realize how hard it is to make friends.
👋 Hi, I’m Irene!
Every Sunday at 9 AM EST, you'll get one anecdote, lesson, or tip I've learned on how to be a better & happier person - to help you in becoming better and happier, too.
Read Time: 6.27 minutes
Hi everyone! Welcome back to another edition of The Happiness Diary!
I'll be honest—last week was pretty challenging for me. That's why I kept the introduction short at the beginning.
Because I don't want these newsletters to be focused on negativity. I want them to be full of hope, joy, and positivity.
But this week, despite nothing changing from last week, I feel a lot better. There are two reasons for that.
One, I've been listening to Lavendaire's affirmations right when I wake up while I'm getting ready and making coffee.
Two, I've been 'clocking out' fully in the evening. For the last few months, I've been checking emails and LinkedIn non-stop, right until I go to bed. I haven't done that at all this week. Instead, I've been reading and enjoying my evenings, completely forgetting about work.
These subtle changes have helped me feel more positive and improved my sleep! Now, let's move on to today's edition.
How I’m Building My Happiness Muscles
The World No.1 Happiness Expert: Single Friends Will Keep You Single & Obesity Is Contagious!—The key takeaway I learned from this episode is that if you want to be happier:
You need to understand the science.
You need to apply it to your life.
You need to share it with others. Because you won’t remember it and hold yourself accountable unless you’re teaching it.
Golden Buzzer: Nightbirde's Original Song Makes Simon Cowell Emotional - America's Got Talent 2021—I cried like a baby when I watched this for the first time last night. Jane said three things that stood out to me:
You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.
It’s important everyone knows I’m so much more than the bad things that happened to me.
I have a 2% chance of survival but 2% is not 0%. 2% is something, and I wish people knew how amazing that is.
DO THIS Everyday To Completely Heal Your BODY & MIND | Dr. Daniel Amen & Jay Shetty—Here are 3 questions to ask yourself every day for better brain and mental health (That I learned from this episode):
Is this good for my brain or bad for it? To help you be mindful of the choices you make for your brain and health.
How can I make today a great day? To program your subconscious mind to find ways to make your day great.
What went well? To practice gratitude.
On Friendship
The older I get, the more I realize how hard it is to make friends.
But you know what?
I'm okay with that because I'm blessed with a close-knit group of family whom I've grown up with since childhood.
Now, knowing how rare that is, I've made more of a conscious effort to treat them with love, respect, and gratitude.
Here are five small but meaningful ways for you (and me) to be a better friend and build deep, fulfilling, and long-lasting connections.
#1 - Invest more instead of taking deposits.
Do you think you’re a good friend? I wasn’t when I was younger.
In fact, I never thought about my actions toward others or reflected on my behaviour. So I took. Took. Took. As much as I could from my friends without giving it another thought.
I complained to V for hours and days about the same problem over and over again. I asked him to bus to another city to pick up my passport because I couldn’t—I had work. I called A and L (more times than I can count) to cry about the boy who’d broken my heart.
When I look back, I often question myself, “Did I ever invest in our friendship? Did I ever do anything for them? Was I there for them when they needed me?”
Now, friendships aren’t ‘transactional’.
I’m not saying you should ‘keep score’ of the things they did for you and the things you did for them. I am saying you should reflect, “Am I giving more than receiving? Am I a positive influence in their life? Am I adding to their life? Or am I a toxic influence?”
Much like how you wouldn’t want to always associate with people who are toxic or negative, make sure you’re not that person for someone else.
#2 - Go out of your way to do something special for them.
What’s your love language?
In my case, it’s ‘Words of Affirmation’ and ‘Quality Time,’ so the tip I’m about to give doesn’t come quite naturally to me, but I cultivated it from being surrounded by friends who love doing this.
What am I talking about?
It’s this: Go out of your way to do something special for your friends. How?
We surprised A with a birthday cake a few years ago. L surprised us by sending us all a DIY present during COVID-19. My cousin, who’s a great friend of mine, ‘broke’ into my apartment while I was at work, decorated my apartment, waited for me with a birthday cake, and waited until I got home to surprise me on my birthday. She drove 2 hours back and forth to surprise me.
Now, it’s not about the gifts. It’s about the thought and the intention behind each action that matters, that conveys how much they mean to you.
So, go out of your way to make your friends feel loved and valued.
#3 - Take a trip down memory lane.
Warning: In my experience, doing this can get pretty emotional.
About two weeks ago, I had a call with four of my friends in Canada.
L was moving from Ontario to Alberta in a couple of days. L’s birthday was approaching, and so A had the idea to give L a surprise birthday celebration before she left. A asked us to recall our favourite memory with L.
The result?
The three girls—me, A, and L—bawling our eyes out.
We realized we made so many beautiful memories together. We went through our awkward teenage years together. That period of self-discovery. Heartbreaks. All the highs and lows of adulthood.
From this experience, I realized taking a trip down memory lane helps you reminisce on good times and helps you feel blessed for your friendships.
I encourage you to do this exercise with your friends at least once or during major milestones.
#4 - Don’t make it all about you when they’re stressed.
I’m guilty of this.
In the past, in an attempt to relate and connect, I’d share my story and similar experiences after they told me their problems.
But lately, I realized it can be selfish to do that. So I’ve been trying to be more mindful of my responses.
Instead of automatically responding with my own experiences, I’ve just started listening. Not listening to respond, but listening to understand. Listening to let them talk, process their feelings, and let go of their emotions.
I realized a lot of the time, your friends aren’t telling you their feelings or problems to ask for your help to come up with a solution—They just need a listening ear.
So, feel out what they need. Or ask them, “What do you need right now? Someone to listen? Or do you need help to figure out a solution?”
The bottom line is don’t make it about you. Make it about them.
#5 - Check in on them.
I haven’t forgotten what one of my best friends told me, even though she said it 15 years ago.
“I love it when someone messages me to tell me something reminded them of me,” she said.
Since then, I’ve made more of an effort to send quotes, songs, gifs, memes, or screenshots to my friends that reminded me of them or that I think they’d find value in.
You don’t have to wait until you find something that reminds you of them, though. Even a simple check-in message, “Hey, how are you? I’ve been thinking of you,” is meaningful.
P.S. I know life can get busy, and it’s easy to forget to stay in contact with your friends. A little hack I do is write down their names in my weekly calendar on the Sunday column. Then, I tick off their name if I’ve connected with them during the week. It’s a simple visual tracking system that works for me. Give it a go!
P.P.S. I’m not perfect at this, but it helps.
~
Deep, meaningful, and long-lasting friendships are rare.
These are people who see you. Accept you, flaws and all. Push you to be better. Hold you accountable. Connect with your soul.
Treat them with love, respect, and gratitude when you find them.
Before You Go
I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter.
If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:
Your biggest takeaway
Your biggest challenge
Your biggest struggle right now
It helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about so I can write content that’s helpful and relevant for you!
Thank you so much for that!
I’ll see you next Sunday,
Irene
Giving before taking is the no. 1 advice for me. Even on X, I need to talk to people and comment on their posts before asking them to subscribe to my newsletter :)