What I’ve Been Up To

It’s been a while! Over a year since I last wrote here. So before diving in, here’s a little life update.

August 2023: Quit a safe, stable teaching job to write online.

March 2024: Landed a job at Kurogo as a Content Writer, building personal brands for founders.

When I quit teaching (this was my second time), everyone said:

• “Why are you leaving such a safe, stable job?”

• “You’re making a mistake.”

• “The pay is great.”

And I doubted myself, too:

• “Did I make the right choice?”

• “Am I going to find any clients?”

• “Will I work $8/hour on Upwork again?”

But I took the leap anyway.

I didn’t have all the answers. Just a quiet belief that I could figure it out.

And slowly, it started to work out.

Since working at Kurogo, professionally, I’ve:

• Worked 100% remote with an incredible team of 17 spread across Europe and Southeast Asia

• Worked with 10+ clients across industries like FMCG, marketing, and environmental testing

• Learned directly from incredible founders

And achieved results like this with my Pod (shoutout to Alessia and Ilaria):

• Secured a Vogue Business feature for one client

• Raised 700,000 pounds in investment for one client.

• Went viral multiples (500 - 10,000+ reactions) for multiple clients

• Received invitations to participate in Dragons’ Den UK for two clients

• Grew from 4,000 to 12,000 followers and 1.4 million views in 30 days for one client

But life isn’t just work.

Personally, I’ve:

• Reached 500+ watch time hours on YouTube with just 180 subscribers

• Visited Taiwan 2x to spend time with my parents (I live in Budapest)

• Set up a small art shop on Shopify, selling polymer clay key chains

• Started doing Pilates (always been more of a gym gal)

• Started growing microgreens with my husband

• Visited Malta and Greece

• Got married!!! 💍

And next month, I’m going back to Canada for 1 month after leaving for 6 years! (I grew up there.)

So why am I sharing this?

Because if you’ve been doubting yourself… I get it.

But trust me…

It is possible to bet on yourself. And win.

And now... I’m back on Substack. 🥳

On Nutrition

I used to train on an empty stomach. For years. 🫠

But it turns out fasted training isn’t great for women. Here’s why:

I started doing it because:

• My brother did it

• I thought it would burn more fat

• I heard skipping breakfast and working out fasted helps with weight loss

But the problem?

Most of those studies were done on men, and men’s bodies work differently from women’s.

2 months ago, Dr. Stacy Sims, a top exercise physiologist, explained everything on the Mel Robbins podcast, and it blew my mind.

She said women shouldn’t work out on an empty stomach because:

1. It messes with our hormones.

Fasted training can lower oestrogen and progesterone, two hormones that affect our mood, appetite, brain, bones, immune system, and more.

2. It affects kisspeptin.

Kisspeptin is a brain signal that helps regulate those hormones. Without fuel, kisspeptin drops, and so do other hormones.

3. It slows down the thyroid.

Even just four days of fasted training can affect your thyroid, which controls your metabolism, heart rate, and body temperature.

4. It raises cortisol (stress).

Women already have higher cortisol. When you train without food, your body gets stressed and holds on to fat instead of burning it.

So what should women do instead? Dr. Sims recommends:

1. Eat more protein.

You can lose body fat even without exercise if you eat 1g of protein per pound of body weight (or 2g per kg).

2. Cut calories at night.

Try eating less in the evening, not before your workout. That way, your body has fuel for the day and can burn fat while you sleep.

3. Eat before you train.

Have a small snack 30 minutes before working out. For strength, aim for 15g of protein. For cardio, add 30g of carbs. Then eat again after your workout.

Bottom line:

As Dr. Stacy Sims says, “Women are not small men.”

Fasted workouts might work for men, but not for us.

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On Happiness

In 2016, I spent hours scrolling social media.

By 2025, I barely use it (except YouTube and LinkedIn for work).

I quit cold turkey, but that’s not the only way. If you want a gentler, more mindful approach, try the WWW Framework by Catherine Price (shared by Dr. Laurie Santos):

I used to be addicted. I’d doom scroll for hours. The result?

• I wasted time

• I felt awful comparing myself to others

• I watched others live their lives instead of building my own

One day, I’d had enough. I deleted all the apps cold turkey. Since then:

• I’ve gained back time

• I compare myself less

• I focus on building my own life

You don’t have to quit like I did. Dr. Laurie Santos shared a method called the WWW Framework by Catherine Price. It helps you use your phone (or social media) more consciously.

Here’s how it works:

1. What for?

Why are you opening social media? Are you trying to buy something? Feeling lonely? Or just bored?

2. Why now?

What triggered it? Are you anxious? Procrastinating? Looking for a distraction?

3. What else?

What could you do instead that meets the same need without picking up your phone?

Start asking yourself these questions.

It’ll help you scroll less and live more.

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On Self-Development

Confession: I’m scared I’m forgetting how to be human.

4 weeks ago, my friend messaged me. He opened up about what he was going through, the demons he was facing, the turning point he’d reached.

I wanted to respond with the ‘perfect’ message. Something that was kind, compassionate, and supportive.

So what did I do?

I used ChatGPT to help me write it, using my own thoughts. And… it turned out great.

But afterwards, I felt guilty. I didn’t understand why until I heard Simon Sinek speak on The DOAC podcast. He said something that hit me:

“As the end product becomes easier to produce, it’s humanity that’s going to suffer.”

That was it. Even though my intentions were good, it wasn’t ME writing a message to my friend. It wasn’t human. It was ChatGPT.

Simon said, “Unless we take personal accountability, to teach and learn human skills, they will disappear. We’re already starting to see this.”

Think about it. We now ask ChatGPT what to say when a friend is struggling, what to text after a fight, how to respond to feedback.

So, the most important skills needed in the evolving world of AI? Human skills.

• How to listen

• How to hold space

• How to express empathy

• How to take accountability

• How to give and receive feedback

• How to resolve conflict peacefully

• How to have an effective confrontation

Here’s how I’m starting to relearn them:

1. Talk to people more.

I’m an introvert, and most of my close friends live far away. So I rarely talk to anyone outside of my partner and coworkers. That needs to change.

2. Pause before turning to AI.

When something happens, I try to sit with it. Think. Reflect. Respond from the heart.

3. Study human connection.

I read books and listen to podcasts on how to build real emotional skills.

Point being:

ChatGPT will give you an answer, and it might be good.

But if you skip the hard part of doing the work yourself, you’ll learn nothing.

At the end of the day, human beings want human beings.

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This Week’s Recommendations

1. What I Eat In A Day | Realistic, Simple, Easy, Vegetarian Meals

2. The Body Reset: How Women Should Eat & Exercise for Health, Fat Loss, & Energy | Dr. Stacy Sims

3. The Science of Well-Being: Powerful Happiness Hacks That 5 Million People Are Using

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

See you soon,

Irene

Click on the image to watch the video. 🤗

Clay Creations

Happiness Habits

Nourishing Nutrition

Before You Go

Thank you so much for being here!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

And for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

I’d really appreciate it if you could reply because it helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about and to make sure what I write is helpful and valuable for you.  

I read every single reply. 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

I had a fantastic week! I:

• Read

• Got a massage

• Went for walks

• Played the piano and sang

• Wrote this week’s newsletter

• Spent time at the park with my partner

• Finished all my tasks during work hours

• Went to the gym three times before work

• Communicated my needs clearly with my team instead of feeling overwhelmed

• Studied Justin Welsh’s LinkedIn OS course and Happiness Life Coach Certification

Moral of the story?

Find out what brings you happiness (and why), and make space for those healthy habits regularly. 🤗

How was your week? As always, feel free to respond to this email and let me know. I read and respond to every single reply. 😊

Now, onto this week’s edition!

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11 Lies About Happiness You Should Know

I just finished Chapter 1 of You, Happier by Daniel G. Amen, MD.

Here are the 11 lies about happiness you should know according to Dr. Amen:

Lie #1 — More of something (love, fame, sex, drugs, etc.) will make you happy.

The more pleasure you get, the more you will need it to continue to make you happy. Because your brain adapts. This leaves you wanting more each time like an addiction. And this endless cycle leaves you unhappy.

What to do instead: Be grateful for what you have. Avoid the desire for more.

Lie #2 — A “don’t worry, be happy” mindset will make you happy.

According to one of the longest longevity studies ever published, the “don’t worry, be happy people” die early from accidents and preventable illnesses. The truth is, you need some anxiety to be happy. Because appropriate anxiety helps us make better decisions.

What to do instead: Be okay with some anxiety—it helps you think clearly. Calm yourself with deep breaths, and create simple plans to ease your stress.

Lie #3 — Advertisers and fast-food companies know what will make you happy.

They don’t. For example, fast food like McDonald's Happy Meals is packed with low-quality ingredients that harm your health and mood. Fun fact: Dr. Amen says you should call them Unhappy Meals. 🤣

What to do instead: Focus on eating real, nutritious food like fruits and vegetables. Make your own meals so you know what’s in them. Save fast food for special occasions.

Lie #4 — Being somewhere else will make you happy.

Moving to a new place won’t bring lasting happiness. I’ve tried it—moving from city to city, country to country—but happiness never came from changing locations.

What to do instead: Find happiness right where you are. Make friends, do things you enjoy, and focus on creating a positive mindset no matter where you live or your current life situation.

Lie #5 — You need a smartphone, watch, tablet, or the latest technology to make you happy.

Technology is addicting. They grab your attention and distract you from more important things like family, friends, and fitness. In fact, current research has found that many teens spend more hours on social media (average 9 hours) than they do sleeping!

What to do instead: Limit your screen time. Spend time connecting with loved ones or doing tech-free activities like reading or playing outside.

Lie #6 — Video games make you happy.

Too much gaming can lead to depression and obesity. The World Health Organization even added gaming disorder to the ICD-11 (International Classification of Diseases) in 2018.

What to do instead: Play games in moderation. Balance them with other activities like sports, art, or spending time outdoors.

Lie #7 — Constantly being ‘in the know’ by following your favourite news outlet will make you happy.

News outlets repeatedly and purposely pour toxic thoughts into your brain. They always highlight scandalous and terrifying stories to keep you hooked on their channels and websites. But, research shows even just a few minutes of negative news in the morning can lower your happiness later in the day by 27%.

What to do instead: Don’t start your day by looking at bad news! Instead, tell yourself ‘Today is going to be a great day.’ Recite positive affirmations. Listen to something positive. 

Lie #8 — Alcohol makes you happy.

Alcohol can help make you feel better quickly. But it also damages your brain, decreases the quality of your decisions, and harms your relationships. 

What to do instead: Spend time with friends and family doing things that don’t need alcohol. Choose activities that help you feel happy for a long time—I like going to the gym, playing the piano, singing, and lately, playing with polymer clay. If you do drink, drink less!

Lie #9 — Marijuana makes you happy.

Maybe in the short run. But over time, it prematurely ages your brain and lowers overall blood flow. 

What to do instead: Relax by doing yoga, stretching, going for a walk, or writing in a journal when you’re feeling stressed. 

Lie #10 — Sweet treats and desserts—any sugar—makes you happy.

Sweets give you a brief moment of bliss. But it does not give you long-term happiness. In fact, sugar is addictive. And it’s associated with depression, obesity, diabetes, and dementia. 

What do to instead: When you want something sweet, try eating fruit. My favourite go-tos are mangoes and watermelon. If you do eat sweets, have them in moderation. Pay attention while you eat and enjoy each bite but don’t overeat!

Lie #11 — Money makes you happy.

This is true, but only up to about $75,000 a year in the US. Then the relationship falls off. Simply put, money can change your circumstances to a certain point. But it doesn’t help much once you have your basic needs met. The one caveat is that more money can contribute to happiness if you use it for causes and people that matter to you. 

What to do instead: Make sure you have, save, and invest money to cover your basic needs. Share your money by giving to people or causes that matter to you. Buy experiences—take a trip, go to a concert, attend a DIY class—with family and friends instead of buying things at the mall or online. 

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3 Things Bringing Me Happiness This Week

1. You, Happier: The 7 Neuroscience Secrets of Feeling Good Based on Your Brain Type by Daniel G. Amen, MD — In You, Happier, Dr. Amen explains and offers practical, science-based strategies for optimizing your happiness.

2. Capybara — Lately, I’ve been seeing Capybara everywhere! They’re too cute. 😭

3. A few of my clay creations — The creation process was exciting, frustrating, and messy! But seeing the results made the process worthwhile. 😊 (I think my partner needs to replace his toothbrush. 🤣)

Before You Go

Thank you so much for being here!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

And for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

I’d really appreciate it if you could reply because it helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about and to make sure what I write is helpful and valuable for you.  

I read every single reply. 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

Share The Happiness Diary

If you opened this email even after my 1-month hiatus, I appreciate you. Thanks so much. 

And particularly, a big thank you to , , and everyone who checked in on me the past month. 

That meant the world to me. 

It showed me people noticed my absence. People were worried. People were waiting to read my emails. 

That’s truly an honour. 

I don’t want to give excuses. (At least, they all sounded like excuses as I typed them onto the page.) 

But between:

• Moving to another country 

• Spending time with my brother when he visited Taiwan for a week 

• Working at a fast-paced agency, writing 1000+ words a day and managing clients

My work-life balance has been out of whack. (More on ‘work-life balance’ in a subsequent post because my view recently changed.)

The reality is, my personal writing took a backseat.

So for the writers who always stay consistent despite life's ups and downs and chaos, kudos to you.

I respect that. And I’m striving to do the same myself. 

Once again, thanks so much for being here. (No hard feelings if you unsubscribe though because of the absence.)

Now, on to this week’s edition! 

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I created a vision board to manifest my dreams in 2024. Here’s what I’ve manifested so far.

A lot can change in 6 months. Cliché, I know. But it happened to me:

January 2024, I:

• Stopped working with all my clients, so I had 0 sources of income.

• Couldn’t find a job because I didn’t 1) Speak Hungarian or 2) Have a work permit.

• Relied on my partner financially whilst I looked for clients and jobs every single day.

• Felt isolated and lonely because I hadn’t seen my family and friends in a very long time. 

• Questioned myself every day – “Did I make the wrong choice leaving teaching for writing?”

June 2024, I:

• Started working at my dream job in March.

• Am making the most money ever (for me) since I graduated.

• Came back to Taiwan to spend time with my parents, brother, relatives, and friends!

• Have plans to go to Greece in October with two friends I haven’t seen in 5 years!

• Genuinely feel so, so proud of myself for taking a risk despite people advising me it was a silly idea to (once again) leave teaching for writing. 

So… how did this change happen?

I’d say 3 things.

1. A ton of luck. I was lucky I had a partner who supported me and wanted me to be happy. I was lucky I lived with my partner and his mum, who let me live rent-free for 6 months. And I was lucky Kurogo listed a job opening when they did.

2. Faith combined with work. I doubted myself and every choice I made up until that point. I felt lost, incompetent, and like a failure every day. But still… I had faith (or at least, I had to). I had to believe something good would come out of this. So I persisted. And I showed up every day. I applied for jobs on Upwork, LinkedIn, Wellfound, and every remote job board there was. I sent cold DMs to potential clients on LinkedIn. And I continued writing online.

3. Creating a vision board at the start of the year. I’d look at it every single day in the morning after I turned on my laptop. I’d just stare at it. I’d look at every picture in detail. And I’d imagine how I’d feel once I achieved it. I kept those goals at the front of my mind and worked towards them every day.

Why did I choose to create a vision board?

Because I needed something to believe in. Something to work towards. Something that gave me hope and purpose. It was like a lighthouse for me while I was in a rut. 

What are the benefits of creating a vision board?

In my experience:

1. A vision board helps you feel more positive about life because it enables you to believe your goals and dreams are within reach.

2. A vision board helps you live each day with intention. When you have a clear direction for your life, you can take actionable steps every day to reach those goals.

3. A vision board helps you build confidence. Each time you achieve one of your goals, it gives you evidence you can do it. You are capable. You are competent. This gives you the momentum to keep going. 

4. A vision board helps you cultivate gratitude. Each time you reach a goal, you can look back on how much you’ve accomplished, thank whoever helped you get there, and feel appreciative of what you have.

How can I create a vision board?

Here’s how I created mine:

1. Figure out what you want and why — not what your family, friends, and society want. Write it down in clear detail. Be as outrageous as you can, not realistic. Why? Because even if you don’t reach those audacious goals, you’ll at least be closer to reaching them than if you hadn’t set them at all.

2. Look for pictures that represent those goals. I used good ol’ Google. Pinterest is a great tool for pictures, too.

3. Then, I went to Canva. I chose a template for my desktop – I used the Neutral Aesthetic Photo Collage Desktop Wallpaper. I uploaded all my pictures and organized them in an aesthetically pleasing way (for me) in the template. I did the same to create a vision board for my phone wallpaper.

4. I downloaded both as a PDF. Then changed the wallpapers on my desktop and phone. 😊

Here’s what I’ve manifested so far:

✅ I spent time with my dad, mum, and brother. 

✅ I have plans to reunite with my Canadian and Taiwanese friends.

✅ I feel grateful and content about my relationship with my partner. We’ll reunite in July!

✅ I’ve visited Taiwan (I’m still here). Greece and Italy are in the works! 

What’s next?

✅ I haven’t hit $10K per month yet, but I’m almost halfway there.

✅ I’ve stopped writing for Letterly, but A Joyful Life is still a priority.

✅ I’d love to visit South Korea, Japan, Thailand, and Bali by the end of this year, too!

Now that I’m reflecting on the first half of 2024, I feel truly grateful for all that’s transpired thus far. I feel grateful for my relationships, my accomplishments, and my health. 

And I can’t wait to see what the next half of the year has in store. 😊

If you do create a vision board…

Feel free to let me know how it goes and what you manifest! Best of luck! 💟

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This Week’s Recommendations

• Dan Koe 2-Hour Writer — If you’ve been a subscriber for a while, you might know I’m a huge fan of Dan Koe. I love his newsletter and videos. So I finally bought the 2-Hour Writer to learn more about his content ecosystem. 

• It Ends With Us and It Starts With Us — Last night, I re-read parts of both books. I forgot how amazing they were. And I’m excited to watch the movie later this year. 

• Esther Sim’s YouTube Channel — I’ve enjoyed watching Esther’s channel for quite some time now. Her vlogs are incredibly relatable and soothing. 

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Before You Go

Share A Joyful Life

Sometimes, I still can’t believe you *actually* open my emails to read about my thoughts, takeaways, and experiences every week. 

I hope these emails bring you as much joy and value as they do for me when I write them. 🫶

I’m sorry for being MIA last Sunday. 

The previous two weeks were a whirlwind for me—between packing, flying 20+ hours, adjusting to Taiwan, and working. 

Thank you so much for your understanding. And THANK YOU, , for messaging to check if I was okay.

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I Deleted All Social Media Apps From My Phone. Here Are 7 Ways My Life Has Changed Since Then.

In 2016, I was glued to Instagram. 

Every free moment I had was spent:

→ Scrolling through the app

→ Taking pictures and stories of my day

→ Refreshing the app to check my likes, views, and comments

I didn’t have much of a life.

And I felt anxious, insecure, and unhappy 24/7.

Then, in 2020, I deleted all social media apps from my phone.

Turns out, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Here are seven ways my life has changed since then. 

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#1 — I’ve had more time.

Social media is a time suck.

In the past, I spent an average of 2-3 hours every day on Instagram.

Now?

I spend 0 minutes on it lol.

As a result, I’ve had more time to:

→ Read (10 pages of a nonfiction book every day + the occasional fantasy/romance novel)

→ Learn (I complete courses from Coursera, Domestika, and other ones from creators)

→ Write! (At first, I wrote on Medium but now I only write on Substack + LinkedIn)

→ Take care of my health + fitness (I work out 4x per week and go on walks)

→ Do things that bring me joy (Play the piano, sing, cook, + watch Kdramas)

→ Spend with the people I love (My boyfriend, family, and friends)

→ *Build* my life instead of watching other people live theirs

Deleting social media has given me the time to build a life and a person I love and I’m proud of.

#2 — I’ve compared myself to others less.

When I was younger, I compared myself to everyone.

My face, my body, my relationships, and my career.

Social media exacerbated this habit.

So I often felt like I wasn’t enough and would never be *enough*.

But now, I feel content. With myself. With where I am. And with what I’m doing.

Because I’m no longer exposed to anyone’s highlight reels.

Deleting social media from your phone is one of *the* best things you can do if you’re struggling with your mental health. 

#3 — I’ve had more pockets of silence in my day.

“All of humanity’s problems stem from men’s inability to sit alone with their thoughts.” — Blaise Pascal

That was me. 

I hated silence. I couldn’t bear it because I didn’t want to listen to my thoughts. I was too afraid of what I’d hear.

So I filled up every second of my day with anything that’d distract me from myself. 

Often, the default was Instagram. 

I’d scroll the app while waiting for my coffee to brew. While standing in line at Tim Hortons. While waiting for my rest period to end at the gym.

But now, I’ve learned to look forward to moments of silence. Of space. Of solitude.

Of sitting, without my phone, while staring out my window or writing in my journal, paying close attention to and getting lost in my thoughts. 

Deleting social media from your phone gives you time to just *be*.

#4 — I’ve been more present in my relationships. 

I see this all the time. 

Families or couples out at restaurants. But instead of talking to each other, everyone’s scrolling on their phones.

I used to be like that, too. Not anymore.

Now, my phone doesn’t come out at all when I’m out with people. Sometimes, I leave it at home altogether. 

Example: I spent an entire Saturday with my partner and our friends the weekend before I left Budapest. 

During the day, we walked along the Duna River. And at night, we played Codenames.

I didn’t touch my phone at all that day. 

Instead, I gave all my attention to the people around me. To the conversations. To my environment.

Deleting social media from your phone is a life hack to be more present in your relationships.

And the more present you are, the more the people in your life will feel seen, heard, and appreciated. 

Which is key to building long-lasting connections. 

#5 — I’ve realized who’s important to me.

I used to have 400+ followers on Instagram.

I thought all these followers were my ‘friends.’

Because they liked and commented on my photos and watched my stories.

I was wrong.

I realized who was *actually* important to me after I deleted social media from my phone.

These were people who were consistently part of my life. Through the highs and the lows. Through life’s changes. And despite the long distance.

I can count these people on two hands. 

So now, instead of chasing followers, I invest in these relationships.  

Deleting social media from your phone will help you realize who your true friends are.

#6 — I’ve started to understand myself better.

I had zero self-awareness in 2016. 

I didn’t know what I:

→ Valued

→ Prioritized

→ Wanted to do

Or who I wanted to be. 

Nothing. 

In fact, I barely thought about these things. 

As a result, two things happened.

One, I moulded myself to fit the people around me.

Two, I adopted what was ‘important’ based on what I saw on social media. 

That’s why I was so unhappy, so lost then. 

Deep down, I knew I was being someone I wasn’t. And I chased the wrong things like having the perfect face, body, and relationship. 

Deleting social media apps from my phone gave me the space to connect with myself.

It gave me the space to tune into my intuition, thoughts, feelings, and energy.

It gave me the ability to step back from all the white noise.

So that I could figure out what was important to me and who I wanted to be. 

#7 - I’ve built self-worth.

When I was younger, I didn’t have self-worth.

So I sought validation through social media.

I used to put on makeup just so I could snap a selfie (using a filter, of course) to post on Instagram.

I relied on the likes, views, and comments to fuel my self-worth.

But now, I don’t rely on external validation anymore.

I’ve built self-worth by taking care of my mind, body, and soul. 

By keeping the promises I make to myself.

By doing hard and uncomfortable things.

This is the framework for unwavering self-worth.

Final Thoughts

Eight years ago, if you had told me where I’d be today, I wouldn’t have believed you.

Back then, I spent most of my time on social media.

I put minimal effort into school.

I had crappy lifestyle habits.

I had zero goals.

Fast forward to today, I ghostwrite for founders and CEOs building their personal brands.

I live and travel between Hungary, Taiwan, and Canada.

I feel content and at peace with who I am and where I am in my life right now.

And I have a project I work on, A Joyful Life, that brings me meaning and fulfilment.

All this happened because of one simple decision to delete all social media apps from my phone to prioritize myself.

So if you’re considering doing the same, I’d say: 

Do it. You won’t miss out on anything important. The world is not going to end. Everything will be fine.

It’s how you’ll gain control of your life. 

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This Week’s Recommendations

• On feeling out of control and what to do about it by

• Kindness: A Journey of Empathy and Vulnerability...#46 by

• Are You Being True to Yourself? Or Just Chasing Praise?...#47 by

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

Share A Joyful Life

THANK YOU so much for being here every week. I hope these emails bring you as much joy and value as they do for me when I write them. 💖

Now, without further ado, let’s dive into today’s edition!

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Whenever I feel unhappy, I start to (re)prioritize simple activities that make me feel joy again.

Here are 9 dead-simple activities I do to feel better when I’m unhappy (and that you can do right away, too).

Do deep, focused work that brings you closer to your goals

This might sound strange (or even sad), but, this is the #1 activity I know I have to do to feel happy.

Over the years, I’ve noticed if I don’t carve out time to work on something meaningful, to work towards a big, purposeful goal, then I start to resent myself for not having the discipline, ambition, and commitment to work on a project that gives me purpose and fulfillment. 

Even if it’s 30 minutes a day, I know I need to prioritize it.

In my case, my most important project is writing my Substack newsletter.

For you, your most important project might be:

• Building websites

• Filming TikToks or reels

• Creating Notion templates

• Ghostwriting social media posts

• Designing social media graphics

• Scripting, recording, and editing YouTube videos

It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you’re living your life with direction. 

And that your direction is aligned with your interests, values, and plans for the future to build a happy and purposeful life.

Spend time with family and friends who energize and uplift you

Recently, I realized just because someone is part of my family doesn’t mean they’re my family. Blood doesn’t define family. So, if you have “family members” who bring you down, then, you don’t need to spend time with them. 

You have a choice to spend time with people who make you feel better about yourself, who want what’s best for you, and who support and encourage you. 

Now, these aren’t people who will coddle you, tell sugarcoated lies, or say yes to every idea you have even if it’s horrible.

These are people who will also tell you things you might not want to hear, might not see, and might not want to accept. But, they’re things you need to hear to become better. To elevate yourself. To become the best version of yourself. 

So, next time you’re feeling unhappy, call a friend or your mom, anyone who you know wants what’s best for you and brings out the best in you.

Make your favourite drink

I’ve been swapping my iced Americano for a matcha latte. And in the last week, I’ve noticed that I’ve slept better throughout the night. My sleep feels deeper. And my mood is more stable.

So now, I look forward to my morning ritual of making my matcha latte.

Now, you don’t have to make a matcha latte. Make anything, a “special” drink that makes you happy, and one you can look forward to every day.

Clean your apartment, house, or wherever you live

“Clutter is the physical reflection of a disorganized mind.” – Joshua Becker

There’s something relaxing about cleaning your apartment.

First, you’re moving your body, and, any form of movement is good for you. So you’ll feel a boost in vibes after cleaning.

Second, it’s a mindless activity, meaning you don’t have to put much cognitive effort into it. Instead, as you clean, you can daydream, make connections between ideas, forget about problems you can’t control, and reflect on your day. It lets you process your feelings and thoughts while keeping your hands busy.

Third, the state of your apartment is a reflection of your mind. If your apartment is cluttered or messy, your mind is (probably) disorganized. 

This is why I do a light cleaning before I go to bed every evening. I’ll wash the dishes. I’ll sweep the floors (because my hair falls out a lot and everywhere). I’ll make sure everything is neat and in place. 

Then, Sundays are dedicated to a deep cleaning of the apartment. This is when I do the laundry, wash all the sheets, broom, swiffer, mop the floors, clean the countertops, clean the bathroom etc.

By the time I’m done cleaning, I feel lighter and calmer. 

So, next time you’re feeling down, try cleaning and organizing the clutter on your desk, in your apartment, or in your house.

Make (and eat) a wholesome, nutritious meal

As the saying goes, you are what you eat.

Whenever I feel sluggish, bloated, or unhappy, most of the time, it’s because I haven’t been eating as healthy as I could be. This means I’m maybe eating more carbs like rice which makes me feel tired, bloated, and heavy.

One of the simplest ways I start to feel better about myself (and my body) is by eating something healthy.

This means something light, with natural ingredients, with lots of fruits, and vegetables, and a good source of protein.

My easy, simple, and go-to meals are:

• Toast with avocado and egg

• Sugar-free low-fat Greek yogurt with fresh fruit

• Chia pudding with oats, banana, and a scoop of peanut butter

In short, when I eat well, I feel well. And I feel happier.

First, because over time, what I eat reflects in my body (I’m more toned). Second, it feels good to take care of yourself. 

There are loads of simple and healthy recipes available for free on YouTube. So, next time you’re feeling unhappy, look for, make, and eat something that nourishes your body to help you feel better.

Go for a walk

When I’m tired, I go for a walk. When I have writer’s block, I go for a walk. When, I’m angry, anxious, stressed, or unhappy, I go for a walk. And always, without fail, I feel better afterwards.

Without going into too much detail (because I’ve written about why walking is good for you), walking:

• Helps you move

• Sparks creativity

• Helps you sleep better

• Has the power to heal

• Improves your self-esteem

• Gives you more inner peace

• Helps you have more gratitude

Cancel all your plans for the day (and do nothing)

I’m an introvert. And on the days I feel drained, I’m not afraid to cancel all my plans and lay in bed and do nothing. 

In the past, I was against this idea. I believed I had to be productive all the time. And whenever I wasn’t, I felt immense guilt. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. 

I believe a life worth living is one where you’re in control of yourself, enjoying yourself meaningfully, working towards goals vital to you and investing in your relationships. Because we aren’t meant to exist.

But on the flip side, leisure, rest, and self-care are important for you to function at your best.

So now, whenever I have those off days, instead of berating myself, I just accept it. I accept that rest and doing nothing is what I need to feel better, and that I’ll bounce back after I recharge. 

So, don’t be afraid or feel guilty about laying in bed, scrolling your phone, or watching Netflix. Sometimes, it’s what you need to feel better and bounce back with energy and momentum the next day.

Have a hobby (and do it)

It’s important to have a hobby that one, you don’t have to be too serious about, two, that you can do without caring about the results or what other people think, and three that keeps you present in the moment.

Why? Well, I think we’re happier because of it.

And for me, playing the piano (at a very amateur level lol) and singing (sometimes off-tune) is that for me.

I have no desire to be the next Chopin nor do I have any desire to showcase myself doing it. 

But I do it for the pure pleasure it gives me. Every time I play, I’m so absorbed in the present moment. It’s just me, the piano, my voice, and the chords I’m learning. It’s crazy how time flies as I get lost in the playing and singing.

Now, it doesn’t matter what the hobby is. For you, it might be playing the violin. It might be rock climbing. It might be mountain biking. What’s most important is that you have at least one hobby you do for pleasure rather than excellence.

Be silly

Life is hard enough as is, so, we need to add laughter into our lives, to let loose, and to have fun whenever we can.

One of my all-time favourite ways to do this is to sing at the top of my lungs (sorry, neighbours, though, it’s always during appropriate hours) and dance however I want in front of my mirror.

It feels exhilarating to move your body to the beat and rhythm of a song without having a care in the world. 

So next time you have the blues, put on your favourite upbeat tune, and move your body!

Bonus tip: The type of music you listen to affects your mood! Meaning, that if you listen to sad, ballad songs, you’re going to feel down. If you listen to something more cheerful, you’ll feel happy and positive.

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Before you go

Thank you so much for reading today’s entry! 

I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest takeaway

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

I’d really appreciate it if you could reply because it helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about and to make sure what I write is helpful and valuable for you. I read every single reply. 😊

With all my love,

Irene

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So… I’m returning to Taiwan on April 20th for three months! I’m super excited to see my family and friends, and to eat Taiwanese food!!! But I’m also sad about doing long-distance with my boyfriend.

Anywho, how was your week?! As always, feel free to let me know in the comments. 😊

Now, without further ado, let’s dive into today’s edition!

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I landed my dream role. Here’s how I did it (and how you can do it, too.)

On March 25, 2024, I started working at Kurogo. 

Kurogo is a leading personal branding agency. 

For context: I first heard of Kurogo in 2022 when I started posting on LinkedIn. 

I even applied for a Personal Brand Manager role at the time. I got rejected (obviously). If you saw my previous application, you’d know why. 

Then, on January 25, 2024, I saw on LinkedIn that Kurogo was hiring. So I decided to shoot my shot again. 

And well, now I’m Pod 1’s Content Writer working with people I’ve admired for the last two years. 

Here’s how I got the role the second time I applied. 

(Fun fact: Here’s a screenshot of a “future” LinkedIn post I wrote the day after I applied for the role. I didn’t get an interview until February 10th. Now, I *definitely* believe in the Law of Attraction.)

Tip #1 — Figure out what your dream role is. 

My career path has not been conventional. 

Since graduating from university, I’ve worked as a waitress, customer service representative at the gym, aesthetician, ESL teacher, and freelancer. 

Were these 6-7 years a waste of my life? 

Not at all. 

After each job, I reflected on what I loved doing, my strengths, and my values. 

Then I experimented until I found a role that aligned with what I wanted. 

Action for you: 

Grab a notebook and pen. Write down the answers to these questions:

1. What are your values?

2. What are your strengths?

3. What do you do or learn about in your free time?

4. What do you love doing? What gives you energy? Pay attention to how you feel after you do certain activities. 

Tip #2 — Look for companies that align with your dream role.

When I set out to find my dream job, I had specific criteria in mind. I knew I wanted:

• To ghostwrite

• A fully remote job

• Flexible working hours

• To work with a high-performing team who valued growth, feedback, ownership, and responsibility, with a positive, can-do attitude

Kurogo fit the bill perfectly.

How did I know?

Because I researched everything about Kurogo. I read their entire website. I checked out all their social media channels. I read LinkedIn posts written by the team.

I made sure the role, responsibilities, values, company culture, work environment, team, and salary all aligned with what I wanted. 

Action for you: 

Research, research, research! 

Again, check if the role, responsibilities, values, company culture, environment, team, and salary match what *you’re* looking for.

Tip #3 — Go above and beyond.

My goal was to stand out in every stage of the application process. Here’s how I did it: 

• When I applied, I sent Kurogo my CV (a Canva deck), a written cover letter, and a *video* cover letter. This took me 5 hours. 

• After being shortlisted for the first interview, I prepared an interview presentation. I built it using Carrd. This took me 12+ hours. And I only had 1.5 days to finish it. Then I wrote a script. Now, I didn’t get a chance to present in the interview… but because I took the time to prepare this presentation, I felt more confident answering their questions. After the interview, I sent the COO and Head of Client Strategy (the two people who interviewed me) the presentation.

• For the writing task, we had to write two LinkedIn posts. I not only wrote the posts, but I also provided short explanations about my work in the Google document. And I created a carousel to accompany one of the posts. This took me 5 hours. 

• My final interview was with the CEO and COO of Kurogo. In preparation, I took Kurogo’s personal branding course just in case. 

Overall, the entire application process took me ~23 hours of work. 

But it paid off. 

Action for you: 

In every application, ask yourself, “How can I stand out?” 

You can send a video cover letter. Build a website. Send your portfolio. Connect with the hiring recruiters on LinkedIn. Or network with the current team. 

Think outside of the box!

Tip #4 — Practice for the interview.

I struggle to answer questions on the spot. 

That’s why I practiced like crazy in preparation for the two interviews. 

I watched dozens of interview videos on YouTube (Shout out to Leila Hormozi, CareerVidz, and Jeff Su.) 

And I used ChatGPT. I told ChatGPT about Kurogo, the role, the responsibilities, and my experience. I asked it to generate 30+ possible interview questions. I wrote down my answers for each one. Then I practiced them aloud. 

I did this for both interviews. 

Now, you might think this is too excessive. But it’s what I needed. 

I suck at answering questions on the spot lol. 

Action for you: 

Use ChatGPT to help you rehearse possible interview questions. 

Also, ask the interviewer questions—About the company, your role, your responsibilities, the culture, and anything you’d like to know. I asked if there were any introverts on the team lol.

Tip #5 — Build your personal brand.

I started writing online in 2021. 

Since then, I’ve gained 1,095 followers across Medium and LinkedIn. I’ve had articles published in Thought Catalog and Better Marketing. And I’ve attracted inbound leads, clients, and job opportunities. 

Ultimately, writing online and building my personal brand on LinkedIn is how I landed a job at Kurogo. 

Action for you: 

Start writing online. 

Begin sharing your insights, tips, lessons, mistakes, and experiences. Particularly on LinkedIn. 

When you consistently create valuable, engaging, and authentic content for your target audience, you’ll increase your visibility, build your influence and authority, and attract opportunities—Like your dream job!

Final Thoughts

The job market is tough right now. 

So my final tip is to detach from the outcome. 

Throughout the entire application process, I reminded myself the only thing that’s in my control is effort. 

It’s my job to go above and beyond to show Kurogo that I’m the best person for the role. That I want to work at Kurogo. And that I can bring value to the team. 

But the final decision is out of my control. Whatever happens, happens. It’s not a reflection of my worth. And I’m being redirected to another even better role. So don’t take rejection personally. Keep trying. 

You’ll find a role that’s perfect for you. 

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This Week’s Recommendations

• The Art and Business of Online Writing by Nicolas Cole — This book is the Ultimate Guide to writing in the digital age. I recommend this book if you want to start writing online (to build your personal brand!)

• The Art and Business of Ghostwriting by Nicolas Cole —  Another great, great book by Cole. I’ve been re-reading it to brush up on my ghostwriting skills.

• Rocking Your First 90 Days...#43 by — Tinashe’s post came right at the perfect time for me! He shares five steps to help you rock those first 90 days in your new role!

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

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Here’s a quick update on my week before we dive into today’s edition:

1. This was my first week at work! It was packed with meeting the senior team, meeting my pod, live training, attending client calls, and a research task to help me prepare to write next week. Overall, I had a fantastic first week. Everyone was super welcoming, friendly, and eager to answer all my questions.

2. I had Friday off because 🎉 it was Good Friday! On that day, I went to a BBQ with my boyfriend’s family. The weather was lovely. We played ping pong, sat in their backyard catching up, and celebrated my birthday—His family made me two cakes! 🤤

3. Then I spent the rest of the long weekend going on walks, researching clients, and preparing for work on Tuesday. Oh, and I watched this old Asian drama called Gods of Honour. Throwback to my childhood, haha.

How did you spend your long weekend?! As always, feel free to respond and let me know.

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Do these 3 Ayurvedic practices every day to improve your overall health

I became obsessed with Ayurveda about two weeks ago. 

Since then, I’ve started to read two popular Ayurvedic books. 

As a result, I’ve been adding more Ayurvedic practices to my daily routines. 

Here are three simple—and super quick—Ayurvedic practices I’ve been doing every day to improve my overall health.

Tongue scraping

I used to wake up, brush my teeth, then scrape my tongue once or twice with my toothbrush, without giving it much thought. 

But now, I use a tongue scraper before I brush my teeth. 

So first, what is a tongue scraper? It’s a small U-shaped tool that scrapes the surface of your tongue. 

The purpose of using a tongue scraper is to remove all the bacteria on your tongue that accumulate overnight. The bacteria is the white or yellowing coating on your tongue that consists of food debris, bacteria, and dead skin cells. 

According to Ayurveda, if you don’t remove these bacteria, your tongue reabsorbs them. Then they enter your gastrointestinal tract, which weakens your digestion, immunity, and nutrient absorption. This can lead to weight gain, acne, illness, bloating, gas, and constipation. 

The good news is that tongue scraping is simple, takes less than one minute, and has many other benefits (like removing bad breath!). 

Try this: Buy a stainless steel or copper tongue scraper. Before you brush your teeth, stick out your tongue. Place the scraper on the back of your tongue. Gently scrape the surface of your tongue from the back to the end. You should see the white or yellow mucus on the scraper. Do it about 10 times. Rinse the scraper. Then brush your teeth.

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Dry brushing

I used to use an exfoliating glove in the shower. 

But now, I scrub my skin with a dry brush to remove the dead skin cells off the top layer before showering. 

Why the change? 

According to Ayurveda, there are two main benefits of dry brushing before you shower. 

One, dry brushing promotes detoxification. One-third of your body’s toxins are excreted through your skin. But your skin can’t breathe and excrete the toxins if it’s covered in dead skin cells. 

Two, dry brushing stimulates your lymphatic system. When you dry brush, you stimulate your lymphatic vessels. This helps your lymphatic fluids—which are carrying waste and toxins—flow more efficiently to your lymph nodes, where they’re then removed from your body. 

Try this: Buy a natural, firm bristle brush. Dry brush before you shower. Use long, slow strokes that go toward your heart.

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Starting your day with a hot drink

In the past, I’d wake up, drink cold tap water, and then an iced Americano. 

But now, I start my morning with a hot drink. Sometimes, I’ll have green tea. Other times, I’ll make cumin water. 

Why the change? 

According to Ayurveda, hot drinks are more beneficial for your body than cold ones for three reasons. 

One, hot drinks are more hydrating for your body because your body more easily absorbs hot water. 

Two, hot drinks stimulate your digestive fire so you’re better able to digest, break down food, and assimilate your meals. 

And three, hot drinks cleanse your body because they help remove toxins from your system. 

Try this: Start your day with something hot instead of drinking something cold!

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Final thoughts

These are three simple—yet powerful—Ayurvedic practices that can help improve your overall health. 

Now, you don’t have to do all three of these practices right away. 

My advice would be to start with just one. Pay attention to how you feel and notice any differences in your health. 

Once the first practice becomes a habit, then you can introduce the other two. 

Over time, these three Ayurvedic practices will improve your digestion, detoxification, and overall health. 

You’ll be one step closer to feeling your best every day. 🤗

This week’s recommendations

• JoyFull: Cook Effortlessly, Eat Freely, Live Radiantly (A Cookbook) by Radhi Devlukia-Shetty — This book has more than 125 plant-based recipes!!! Plus, Radhi shares her daily wellness practices like tongue scraping, dry brushing, and drinking something hot in the book too. I used this book as a reference and source when I wrote this email.

• Ayurveda (Idiot's Guides) by Sahara Rose Ketabi — This was the second book I referenced when I wrote this email. Sahara goes into so much more detail about each of the practices I shared today, so I recommend reading this book if you’re interested in learning more about Ayurvedic principles and practices.

• A little more happy can help you be a little more healthy by — Loved, loved, loved these happiness tips! Melissa shares 17 tips to help you rev up your mood and create a happier day!

Before you go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

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30 Life Lessons I’ve Learned In 30 Years

I turned 30 yesterday. 

So I thought, “Why not leaf through all seven of my journals and compile 30 life lessons I’ve learned over the past 30 years?” 

Maybe, you’ll resonate with some of them.

1. I learned I don’t need to have it all figured out.

I started my *dream role* yesterday. But it took me six years to get to this point. Since graduating from university in 2018, I’ve worked as a waitress, customer service representative at the gym, aesthetician, ESL teacher, and freelancer. And yesterday marked my first day as a Content Writer. These six years of trial and error taught me that you don’t need to have all the answers or see the whole staircase. All you have to do is follow and act on whatever sparks your interest, your curiosity, and your obsession. Take it one step at a time. Deal with the problems, challenges, and setbacks as you go along. You never know where following your curiosity will lead you. I might do something completely different six years later—Who knows? That’s part of the beauty of life. 

2. I learned failing and feeling lost, discomfort, and like an imposter are good signs I’m on the right track. 

My first few articles were rejected from Thought Catalog. I’ve been rejected from 100+ job applications at this point. And I don’t have a degree in writing, literature, journalism, marketing, or personal branding… But I still landed a Content Writer role. Looking back, I’ve realized that every setback and moment of self-doubt has pushed me forward. Each time things didn’t go as planned, I reflected, adjusted my approach, or changed my path. Gradually, this process has brought me closer to where I am today. So these emotions *actually* signify progress. They mean that I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone. They mean I’m experimenting, growing, and figuring out what I want. And that’s something worth celebrating. 

3. I learned discipline and environment matter more than motivation and inspiration.

When I was younger, if I didn’t feel like studying, writing an essay, or going to school, then I wouldn't do it. Needless to say, I’ve never felt like I was operating at my full potential. But thanks to James Clear and Andy Frisella, I’ve learned that motivation and inspiration are fleeting. I won’t always feel motivated or inspired to do something. Instead, I need to build discipline and learn to follow through on my commitments, even when I lack motivation. One of the best strategies I've found for building discipline is to design my environment to support my desired behaviour. For example, I wanted to drink more water, so I bought a large, beautiful water bottle that holds 1800 ml. Now, every morning, I fill it to the brim and keep it beside my desk while I work. This simple change has helped me drink more water.

4. I learned to focus on what matters to *me*—not the opinions of my family, friends, or society. 

I used to care about the wrong things (for me). Like getting a ton of likes on Facebook, views on Instagram stories, having nice clothes, and making as much money as possible. Why did I have these goals? Because of my family, friends, and society. But then I started to reflect on what was truly important to me and how I wanted to live. And I discovered that I just wanted to live a simple, peaceful, healthy, joyful, and meaningful life. So I began to focus more on my health, relationships, and meaningful work. Everything else, for me, is just noise. 

5. I learned to slow down. 

One of the ways that’s helped me live a more simple, peaceful, healthy, joyful, and meaningful life is slow living. For me, this means using social media less (if at all). It means injecting more silence, solitude, and presence into my day. And it means not filling my life with so many activities, things, and people so that I can slow down, appreciate, and engage in everything with more intention.

6. I learned what *enough* looks like for me, and to feel content and grateful for what I have. 

In the past, I used to think, “I’ll be happy when I move to Budapest. I’ll be happy when I have a remote job. I’ll be happy when I make $10K/month.” These thoughts caused me a lot of unnecessary suffering because they made me focus on what I lacked. As a result, I didn’t appreciate what I had. And I didn’t feel content or joy in where I was at in my life. But, in the last few months, my perspective has changed. I've realized that I'll never reach a point where I have "enough," and I'll never experience true joy if I continue to focus on what I don’t have. So now, I’m learning to cherish the present moment and find joy in my journey instead of fixating on reaching a certain goal and destination. 

7. I learned happiness is a choice, a skill.

I used to search for happiness externally. I thought I’d be happy once I had more clothes, shoes, and money. Or I’d be happy once I had a boyfriend and travelled the world with him. My happiness was dependent on external things. But now I realize long-lasting happiness has to come from within me. I can choose to be happy today, right now, regardless of my external world. It’s a skill I can develop. And the more I build my happiness muscles, the easier it is for me to be in a state of joy and happiness. In my case, I had to recognize, address, and heal from a lot of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. I had to cultivate gratitude. And I had to build more self-awareness.

8. I learned to spend as much time as possible—and cherish the time I have—with my parents, brother, and friends.

My parents live in Taiwan. My brother lives in Canada. My close friends and cousins are in both countries. And I’m currently based in Hungary with my partner. Needless to say, I don’t get to spend a lot of time with the people I love. So I’ve learned to cherish, appreciate, and be present whenever I talk to and see them. And I try to text, call, and visit them as often as I can. 

9. I learned to recognize, uncover, and heal from my childhood wounds.

When I was younger, I attracted (and cried a lot over) avoidant and emotionally unavailable men. This pattern persisted because I hadn’t done the inner work. I hadn’t uncovered and healed from my childhood wounds like fear of abandonment. So I kept repeating the same fears, thoughts, habits, and behaviours. As a result, I kept attracting a certain type of men and experiencing the same relationship problems. So I made a conscious effort to break out of this cycle. I journaled. I built self-awareness. I practiced self-love. And I even tried therapy for a bit. Through this process of inner healing, I began to develop healthier patterns and behaviours.

10. I learned what I think, believe, and say about myself influences my life. 

I used to have a lot of repetitive, negative self-talk. I would think, “I’m a failure. I’m dumb. I’m ugly.” For a long time, I believed the thoughts I had about myself—Until I learned three things. One, research shows people have between 60 000 to 70 000 thoughts in one day. And 90% of those thoughts are the same ones we had the day before. Two, not all the thoughts I have about myself are true. And three, I have the power to change my negative self-talk by introducing new, positive, and more empowering thoughts. So now, I question the thoughts I have about myself and I listen to and repeat positive affirmations.

11. I learned to be intentional about what I feed my mind. 

When I was younger, I didn’t pay attention to what I was consuming. I watched YouTube videos on celebrity gossip, listened to hip-hop and rap about sex and drugs, and watched reality TV shows like Terrace House. The result? I often felt unstable, depressed, anxious, and angry. However, over time, I started being more mindful of what I allowed into my mind. This is because I learned that what I watch, read, listen to, and engage with affects my thoughts, feelings, energy, and ultimately, my life. So now, I’m super intentional about the books I read, the videos I watch, the podcasts I listen to, and the people I’m friends with. I want to make sure I’m filling my life with positive, uplifting, peaceful, and educational things.

12. I learned to use social media less and with intention.

I don’t have any social media apps on my phone. The only platforms I still use are LinkedIn and YouTube (on my laptop). Sometimes, I'll go on Instagram and Facebook on my laptop, but it's rare. Since removing social media from my phone and reducing my usage, I've found that I’ve had more time to focus on building and enjoying my own life rather than watching others live theirs. For example, I've started writing online, going for walks, and reading fiction again. I've also become more present in everyday activities like cooking, cleaning, and socializing. Overall, I've felt a greater sense of joy, contentment, and peace.

13. I learned to build self-awareness.

When I was younger, I struggled to understand myself. I didn’t know what I valued, prioritized, enjoyed doing, or who I wanted to be. So I shaped my life based on the expectations of my family, friends, and society. However, everything changed after I read 'Think Like A Monk' by Jay Shetty in 2020. This book taught me the importance of self-awareness. I learned how to identify my values and priorities, and I started to pay closer attention to my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and intuition. As a result, I’ve begun to figure out who I want to be and how I want to live. Gradually, I've been able to build a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

14. I learned I am not alone.

I used to believe that no one could understand my struggles, heartbreak, insecurities, and the pain I was going through. But, after travelling, relocating, and living abroad, and having the opportunity to meet people from different backgrounds like Hungary and Taiwan, I’ve come to understand that pain is universal. I am not alone in my experiences. Regardless of the hardships and difficulties I’ve faced, someone around the world has encountered—and overcome—the same challenges. This realization has taught me that everyone is going through something and that everyone is trying their best. It has also taught me to be kinder, more compassionate, and patient, and to stop judging others.

15. I learned to have more flexibility.

I thrive on structure, organization, planning, and punctuality. I do not like last-minute changes. However, my partner prefers making plans on the same day with a 'flexible' plan. Oh, and he’s also late most of the time. Naturally, this drove me bonkers when we first started dating and caused a ton of conflict. But recently, I heard in a podcast with relationship expert Lori Gottlieb that one of the most important skills to have in a relationship is to be flexible, not to be so rigid. So lately, instead of getting upset or feeling frustrated or angry when something doesn’t go as we planned, I’ve learned to stop, pause, breathe, and then have an honest conversation with him about why being on time and doing what we planned is important to me. And I’ve learned to (try to) accept last-minute changes. I think we’ve finally found a balance for us.

16. I learned to invest in my relationships.

According to a Harvard study, positive relationships are the number one factor that contributes to our happiness in life. That's why I prioritize investing in my relationships. What does this look like for me? I strive to make the people in my life feel seen, understood, heard, and appreciated. I listen to them with the intent to understand, remember what they tell me, and give them my absolute presence. And I aim to be there for them during both the good and the hard times, to keep my promises, and to be reliable.

17. I learned to focus on what is in my control and ignore the rest.

I used to struggle a lot with overthinking. But since I started reading about Stoicism—thank you, Ryan Holiday—I've noticed I don’t overthink as much anymore. This is because a core principle of Stoicism is to “'Focus on what is in your control. Ignore the rest.'” So now, whenever I find myself slipping into negative thought patterns, I ask, 'Is this within my control?' If the answer is yes, I determine what actions I can take to improve my situation and then act on them. If the answer is no, I let it go.

18. I learned to detach from outcomes.

In the past, I felt devastated when things didn't go my way. For example, I questioned my self-worth and whether I was worthy of love or not after my last relationship ended. I doubted my abilities, skills, and competence after I got rejected from hundreds of job applications. This fear of failure and rejection sometimes paralyzed me. It made me scared to date, scared to go above and beyond in a job application, and scared to try, in general, because what if I gave it my all—in a relationship, in a job application, in life—and it still wasn’t enough, still didn’t work out as I wanted it to? But recently, I’ve learned to give my 110% in everything I do and let go of all expectations and outcomes. I now strive to accept, embrace, and love whatever happens, reminding myself to wish for things to unfold as they should, rather than as I want them to.

19. I learned everything is temporary.

A quote I think about a lot is, “This, too, shall pass.” This quote reminds me that everything in life is temporary—both the bad and the good. This perspective gives me not only the strength and the resilience to endure difficult times but also to appreciate every moment with gratitude and presence. 

20. I learned my past does not define me.

I’ve made plenty of terrible mistakes in the past—I’ve been an awful and toxic friend, girlfriend, sister, and daughter. For the longest time, I felt trapped by my past and I had trouble forgiving myself. I couldn’t move on. But recently, I’ve realized that no matter how awful I was in the past, no matter what horrible things I’ve done… I can change my future. I don’t need to be bound by my past. The Past Me doesn’t need to be the Present or Future Me. This was an empowering lesson. 

21. I learned how to have an abundance mindset.

I used to feel jealous of others because I felt threatened by their beauty, their success, and their life. I feel a part of the reason why is because society has conditioned us this way. Society has instilled a scarcity mindset in us that suggests only a limited number of people can be beautiful, happy, and successful. But in reality, there is more than enough for everyone. As I shifted my mindset and began to wish for and celebrate other people's success, I noticed a positive change in my own life. By switching from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset, I attracted more opportunities and fulfillment into my life.

22. I learned how to build a growth mindset.

I used to have a fixed mindset. For example, I believed that intelligence, writing ability, or teaching talent were innate—you were either born smart or not, a great writer or not, a talented teacher or not. So I often avoided trying new things because I thought, "What's the point?" But recently, my perspective has changed. Now, I understand that all these traits, characteristics, and skills I believed were 'fixed' can be developed with time, effort, and grit. So now, I'm no longer afraid to try, work hard, and fail, because I know that over time, I will learn, grow, and improve.

23. I learned how to build *real* self-love.

When I was growing up, I relied a lot on external validation. I craved the likes on social media, the compliments, and the attention. Why? Because I didn’t love myself so I wanted to receive it from others. But now? I can confidently say I am beginning to love myself. This is because I’ve started to keep the promises I make to myself. I’ve started to do hard things. I’ve started to hold myself to a higher standard. And I’ve started to invest in my mind, body, and soul. 

24. I learned everything is contingent upon good health.

I was sick in bed for a week straight in December 2022. It was the worst. I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t write, read, exercise, watch Netflix—nothing. I slept all day. It was horrible. But it served as a powerful reminder for me that everything—my goals, experiences, relationships, wealth—depends on me having good health. So now, I put more effort into taking care of my mind, body, and soul. I work out. I walk. I eat well. I sleep well. I wear sunscreen. I spend time in nature. I drink water. I avoid bad habits like drinking, smoking, and staying up late. I know Future Me will thank me for it.

25. I learned to take more risks.

If I’m having trouble making a decision, I’ll ask myself, “If I don’t do this, will I regret it for the rest of my life?” If the answer is yes, then I’ll do it regardless of what anyone thinks or says. Because the reality is, I’m going to die one day. I don’t want to look back on my life and feel regret for the things I didn’t do that I wish I had done.

26. I learned to prioritize long-term goals and satisfaction over immediate desires and impulses.

When I was in university, I used to drink and party (almost) every single weekend. I always had a fantastic time the night of. But the next morning? Not so much. I continued this cycle every weekend despite the hangovers the following day. Why? Because I prioritized having fun in the moment over how I would feel in the future. This pattern extended to other areas of my life, too—I’d watch anime instead of studying. I’d sleep in instead of going to the gym. Or I’d go out for food with friends instead of going to my classes. But now? I’ve learned to delay short-term gratification for long-term gratification. I've realized that what feels good in the moment might not be beneficial for me in the long run. And I've become more mindful of how my actions today will impact my future. It’s as Naval Ravikant wrote, “Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.”

27. I learned to experiment and figure out what works for *me*.

There are hundreds of health, happiness, and productivity hacks. At one point, I found all this information—and trying to implement everything—overwhelming. But now? Instead of following all these tips and tricks to a tee, I’ve become more of an experimenter. I’ll read or learn about a hack. I’ll do it for a bit. And I’ll pay attention to how I feel when I do it and if it works for me or not. If it does, great. If it doesn’t, then I stop doing it. Because here’s the thing: No single habit, guideline, trick, tip, strategy, or hack, works for everyone. You have to be an active participant in your own life. Don’t just follow these recommendations blindly. Figure out what works for *you*. 

28. I learned the world is my ultimate teacher.

I genuinely believe that I'm meant to learn something from everyone I meet and every situation I encounter. Whether it's becoming more selfless, complaining less, or even being more flexible, everyone and everything serves as mirrors reflecting lessons for us.

29. I learned to respond—Not react.

I used to respond right away even when I was overly emotional—too angry, sad, or happy. 99.99% of the time, I regretted how I reacted. So now, I give myself the space and time to collect my thoughts before responding or making decisions.

30. I learned community and service are the path to fulfillment.

In October 2023, my mom signed us up for a DIY baking class. The atmosphere was amazing; everyone was helping each other, and we all laughed together. The energy felt incredible, and my heart and soul felt so full after the experience. It was a powerful reminder that community and service are the path to fulfillment.

Final Thoughts

I want to acknowledge that none of the lessons I’ve shared are original or solely mine. Everything I’ve learned has also been learned and written about by others. I’ve gained knowledge from books, podcasts, and people, and applied it to my own life experiences. That’s part of the beauty of being human, isn’t it? We can share and learn from everyone’s experiences. 

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What I’m Reading

• Lessons From My 30’s by —This post inspired me to write my own!!!

• 100 things I know by —This post, also, inspired today’s edition!!!

• I Deleted TikTok From My Phone by —I truly enjoyed reading this. 😊

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you THIS Sunday,

Irene

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Hi everyone! 

Welcome back for another edition of A Joyful Life~ Thank you so much for being here every week. 

Last Sunday, I said I had hoped I’d be able to share my new role with you today. But we’re still finalizing the last steps so my start date has been delayed. 

I’ll share the news with you as soon as I’m able to. *Fingers crossed.* I hope everything proceeds smoothly. 

Now, let’s jump into this week’s edition. 

3 Conventional Habits You Probably Have That Are *Actually* Harming Your Digestion

Last week, I listened to a podcast episode that featured Radhi Devlukia, a clinical dietitian and nutritionist.

I want to share what I learned with you because I was shocked when I discovered three habits I had (which are super common and 'normal' in society!!!) were terrible for my digestion.

You might be surprised to discover that you also have these three habits.

Detrimental habit #1: Eating until you’re full

I always ate until I felt uncomfortable, stuffed, bloated, and lethargic…. 

Until I learned from Radhi this habit is *actually* terrible for your digestion. 

Here’s why. 

Imagine this: Your body is a big house. Your stomach is the fireplace. And agni is the fire in that fireplace—It’s the digestive fire that helps you break down the food you eat and turn it into energy. 

Now, here’s the thing: If you put too much wood in a fireplace, you’re going to overwhelm the fire and it won’t burn well. 

Likewise, if you overeat food, you’re going to overwhelm your digestive system. 

When this happens, some of your food will remain undigested. Then, it’ll ferment in your stomach, produce toxins in your body, and you’ll experience gut discomfort, headaches, and lethargy. 

So, if you’re not supposed to eat until you’re full, when are you supposed to stop? Great question. 

According to Ayurveda, you should eat until you’re ¾ satisfied—not full. 

Now, the question is, how do you know when you’re ¾ satisfied? 

Radhi recommends two tips for this. 

One, practice conscious and mindful eating. 

I don’t know about you, but I tend to eat in front of a screen. I’m either watching someone’s vlog on YouTube, the latest episode of a Kdrama, or reading emails. So most of the time, I’m distracted, eating too fast, and swallowing without chewing enough. 

The result? 

I’m overstuffed by the end of the meal because my body didn’t know (or get the chance to tell me) I’ve eaten too much—until it was too late. 

So lately, I’ve been practicing conscious and mindful eating. I will focus on my meal. I will eat slowly. I will take one bite at a time. I will make sure I chew enough. I will pay attention to how my body feels. And I will stop eating once I feel the amount I’ve eaten feels good for me. 

And two, Radhi says a great indication of whether you’ve eaten too much (or the wrong foods) is when you feel under the weather or groggy instead of feeling energized by the meal you’re eating.

Detrimental habit #2: Drinking cold or iced beverages

I used to love having a mango smoothie or fresh watermelon juice while I ate. 

But I am now unlearning this habit because of its harmful effects on digestion. 

Here are two reasons why drinking cold or iced beverages is terrible for your digestion (and what you should do instead) according to Ayurveda. 

One, the cold water dampens your agni—Your fire, your digestive power. 

Just like how fire needs to be bright and hot to burn wood… your body, your digestive system, needs heat to digest your food. 

And so, when you drink cold or iced beverages while you eat, you end up dimming your agni’s intensity. You end up ‘putting out the fire’ in your body. 

This makes it difficult for your body to process food effectively. 

Two, too much liquid while you eat dilutes your digestive juices. And again, this makes it hard for your body to digest food. 

Now, if you *really* want to drink something while you eat, Radhi recommends ½ a cup of warm water with spices like ginger or cumin or herbal tea. Drink that slowly, a sip at a time, as you’re eating your food. 

And if you *really really really* want to drink something cold, do it either half an hour before or after you eat. 

Both of these tips will help your agni remain strong. And when your agni is strong, you’ll feel more energetic and healthy.

Detrimental habit #3: Eating a heavy dinner

Lately, my eating window has been from 10-11 AM to 6-7 PM.

The result? 

I wake up feeling bloated, groggy, and heavy. 

I finally learned why this has been happening from Radhi (and what you and I should do instead). 

Reason #1, dinner has been the biggest meal of my day. 

For lunch, I usually opt for something light—like a salad with three eggs and two pieces of toast—to stay alert and energized all day.

Naturally, this leads me to eat a larger and heavier meal in the evening.

But, this isn’t great for your body.

According to Ayurvedic principles, agni, your digestive fire, is strongest during the day when the sun is highest in the sky. It weakens as the sun sets. 

So, if you eat a big and heavy meal at night, your body will have trouble breaking down the food. 

Instead, it'll sit undigested in your gut, leading to toxicity.

Reason #2, I don’t give my body enough time to burn off my last (and biggest and heaviest) meal before I sleep. 

Most nights, I’m in bed by 8-9 PM. So, if I have dinner at 7 PM, that’s only about an hour before bedtime.

That’s not enough time for my body to digest the food I’ve eaten before I sleep. This means, my body will be busy working throughout the night, which explains why I wake up feeling tired even after sleeping.

So, here’s what you should do instead for better digestion and sleep according to Ayurveda.

One, make lunch your biggest meal of the day. It’s the best time to eat heavier and harder-to-digest foods. And you’ll have plenty of time to burn off the meal. 

Two, eat a lighter meal for dinner. 

Three, your last meal should be about 3 hours before you sleep. 

Bonus tip: Go for a walk after dinner to help with your digestion!

Final thoughts

I encourage you to try and apply these three Ayurvedic principles to your lifestyle to improve your digestion. Pay attention to how these changes impact your well-being. 

Because here’s the thing: No single habit or guideline works for everyone. We all have unique needs. 

So, test out these guidelines. Observe how they make you feel. And determine what works best for you.

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This week’s recommendations

• Radhi Devlukia On The Surprising Habits That Are HARMING Your Digestion—This podcast episode inspired this week’s newsletter! I 100% recommend giving this a listen.

• 10 Rules for an Ayurvedic Diet—Erin Easterly shares 10 rules for tapping into the ancient wisdom of Ayurveda and using it to create health, vitality, and energy through food.

• Ayurveda (Idiot's Guides)—Super easy to read and understand! So far, I’ve learned about the origin of Ayurveda along with some popular Ayurvedic practices like dry brushing, tongue scraping, and rubbing oil into your skin for self-love.

Before you go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

P.S. In upcoming editions of A Joyful Life, I will write more about living a healthier and happier life via an Ayurvedic lifestyle!

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Hi everyone! Welcome back for another edition of A Joyful Life!!!

I have an *exciting* announcement coming—I can’t wait to share it with you! Right now, we’re in the middle of finalizing everything but I’ll be able to reveal it soon~ Hopefully, by next Sunday. 

But here’s a small hint: I landed my *dream* job! 😭😭😭

Now, without further ado, let’s dive into today’s edition.

5 Small Habits to Help You Slow Down, Be Present, and Live in Joy

In the summer of 2022, I went to Balaton Lake for the first time. 

It was a week of ‘firsts’ for me. It was the first time I went to a cottage. The first time I went on a trip with my partner. And the first time (in a long time) I had planned to do nothing. 

Except relax. 

Sounds great, right? 

I thought so, too. 

But here was the problem: I couldn’t relax. I kept thinking about work. I kept worrying I was falling behind. I kept checking my Slack messages. And I felt guilty for missing my meetings. 

It was like that the whole trip until we left. 

Then, a few days later, while working at home, I wished I was back at Balaton Lake. And I started to regret I didn’t enjoy and appreciate my time there. 

Since then, I’ve developed five habits that have helped me slow down, be present, and live in joy:

Wake up before the rest of the world

I know, I know—This is cliché advice in the personal development world. 

But I had to include it because this habit is a game-changer for your life for three reasons. 

One, it gives you a psychological advantage. When you wake up before anyone else, you feel great about yourself. Because while everyone is still asleep, you’re already up and tackling the day. 

Two, you get to start your day with intention. No one is awake. You won’t have any meetings. You won’t have any appointments or obligations. You don’t have to start responding to the demands of the world. 

You can use this sacred time to help you slow down, reset, and re-centre. I use this time to journal to tune into how I’m feeling. To set my intention for the day. And to visualize how I want the day to go. 

And three, this is *your* time to fill up your cup first. Use it to work on yourself. You can exercise, work on your side project, learn a new skill—Do something that brings you closer to your ideal life. 

You won’t regret it. 

Less is more

When I was growing up, I always wanted *more*. 

More exciting plans. More clothes. And more friends. I never had enough. 

But now? 

I’ve begun to embrace the idea of less. 

Instead of more plans, I look forward to quiet nights with a slow evening routine. (Of course, I still enjoy exploring, travelling, and going out, but in much smaller doses now.) 

Instead of more clothes, I have a few pieces I love and wear all the time. 

And instead of more friends, I have a few deep and meaningful friendships. 

And you know what? I feel content. 

Because when you don’t fill your life with so many activities, things, and people, you slow down, appreciate, and engage in everything with more intention. 

Inject silence into your day

I used to be afraid of silence. 

Interestingly, I’m not alone as most people would rather shock themselves than sit alone with their thoughts. 

I needed to fill my mind with something all the time—With music, podcasts, Netflix, manga, social media, anything. 

The problem? I felt anxious and distracted 24/7. 

So I started to inject more silence into my day. 

For example, instead of starting my day by replying to emails and messages, I began to journal and read. 

Instead of listening to a podcast during my walk, I began to focus on my five senses with the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. 

And instead of listening to music while I cooked or cleaned, I began to pay attention and immerse myself in what I was doing—washing, cutting, stirring. 

So, why does this habit help you slow down? 

Because giving yourself silence, space, stillness, and solitude, protects you from society’s fast-paced life and expectations. It steers you away from the white noise of people and media. 

And the silence gives you a chance to build self-awareness—To slow down, tune in, listen to your feelings and thoughts, uncover your beliefs and values, and understand who you are and who you want to be.

Change your relationship with your phone

My phone dictated my life. 

What do I mean? 

I used to grab my phone right away to check my messages and notifications when I woke up. 

I used to respond immediately to any notifications as soon as I felt the vibration or heard the ringtone regardless of what I was doing. 

I used to capture all the simple moments of my day like walking to work. 

And I used to spend a ton of the small pockets of time during my day scrolling through Instagram, reading answers on Quora, and re-reading old conversations on Messenger. 

Now, they may seem like just five minutes here and there, but… the time adds up. 

Looking back, it’s scary how much time I spent on my phone. 

And I realized three key points. 

One, my phone was controlling my life. 

Two, I was wasting so much time. 

And three, my phone habits were destroying my mental health. 

So I knew I needed to change my relationship with my phone. Here’s how I did it: 

1. I deleted all social media apps from my phone (I only use them on my desktop now). 

Within days, I felt better. More present. More peaceful. Why? Three reasons. 

One, I stopped comparing myself to other people. 

Two, I was exposed to less negativity. 

And three, instead of living my life through others, I began to focus on myself, build my own life, and focus on what *actually* matters.

Like my health, relationships, nature, fulfilling work, and simple moments in life.

2. I turned off ALL my phone notifications for every app. 

No banners. No sounds. No badges. Nothing. Why? 

Because I used to respond to everything right away. 

This meant I was always interrupted, distracted, and reactive. And I felt I didn’t own my time, rather, other people controlled it. 

So I turned everything off. 

This has helped me slow down, and focus on whatever I’m doing with more presence, depth, and intention. 

And now, I respond on my own time and terms after I’ve completed my work. 

If you don’t want to turn off all your notifications, you can put your phone on Do Not Disturb mode.

Do activities that help you stay present

I used to have trouble staying in the present. 

I’d *constantly* think about the past or the future to the point where I couldn’t remember simple things like whether I locked my apartment door or not. 

So I started to practice staying in the present. How? 

By doing activities that required me to be in the present. 

Like walking, yoga, cooking, painting, and playing the piano. And most importantly, by doing these activities with intention. 

This meant that, as I walked, I’d pay attention to my five senses. As I did yoga, I’d pay attention to my breath. As I cooked, I’d pay attention to cutting the vegetables. As I painted, I’d pay attention to each stroke. And as I played the piano, I’d pay attention to pressing each key. 

This is how I started to build my ‘presence muscle.’ And it helped me slow down, be present, and appreciate each moment.

In a world telling you to do more, have more, and be more, the most outrageous thing to do is to slow down, be present and content, and live in joy. 

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This Week’s Recommendations

1. Try This When You Aren't Sure What to Do by @CHRISGUILLEBEAU — Great list of things to do when you’re feeling stuck! I’d also add, sing and play the piano (or any other instrument). 😊

2. "No Opinion"...#40 by @BETHEBESTU — Loved this. Great message about normalizing not having an opinion and saying, “I don’t know (yet)” on things you don’t understand. 

3. How I’m going back to my *feminine* roots by @KELLYKINGSTON — Absolutely loved reading this. And I was happy to find out I was doing most of the tips that Kelly recommended. 

4. The law of attraction decoded: An easy and intuitive guide to manifestation by @KATHARINASC — I’m a huge advocate of The Law of Attraction and the power of positive affirmations. This is a fantastic read to help you imagine and manifest your ideal life.

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

I know I have. It started when I was little. 

I was afraid of being alone at recess because it made me feel like no one liked me and I had no friends. Then I felt like a loser when I went to the movies alone in my teens. And later, I felt like something was wrong with me when I went to a family event without a date in my mid-20s.

So what changed? 

I found myself alone in a new country, city, and job with no close family or friends around me. Simply put, I was forced into a situation where I had to be alone. 

Ultimately, it’s how I began to love and appreciate my alone time and one of the ways I discovered the importance of solitude for building a fulfilling life. 

A chapter summary of Let Yourself Be Alone in 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty. Thank you for your wisdom. 

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Self-Reliance

Being alone gives you a chance to rely on yourself. 

This is when you learn to navigate challenges and self-regulate your emotions. 

This is important because you can’t (always) turn to other people to help make you feel better when life gets tough. 

Why? 

Because one, then you’re like a baby who is incapable of supporting yourself. 

And two, your entire being is dependent on others. This can be draining for the people in your life. And it can damage or ruin your relationships. 

For example, I relied on my ex for everything. I wanted and needed him to make me feel better when I was sad, stressed, and anxious. It took a toll on him. And ultimately, our relationship ended. 

The bottom line is you need to be responsible for yourself. You need to have personal accountability for your words, actions, and emotions. 

And it starts with learning to be alone. Because when you’re alone, you learn to give yourself what you need before expecting it from others. 

Note: I’m not saying, bottle all your thoughts and feelings and never rely on people. Please seek help or a mental health professional if needed. What I am saying is it’s important we learn to rely on ourselves if or when we can.

Action: 

Try to self-soothe next time you’re feeling sad instead of reaching for the phone right away to call a friend. How? 

One way can be to journal your thoughts. Ask yourself, “What happened? Why do I feel this way? Am I falling into my negative thinking patterns? What is in my control? What can I do right now to make myself feel better?” 

Another way is to go on a walk.

And next time, try to assemble a new piece of Ikea furniture by yourself instead of asking for help. Read the manual. Experiment. Struggle a little. Sure, it might be hard. But you’ll learn a new skill in the process. And you’ll feel more confident about yourself afterward. 

Confidence Building

Being alone gives you a chance to build your confidence. 

How? 

It starts with getting into the habit of assessing yourself and putting in effort to change your life. 

So first, take a look at your personality, emotional health, physical health, relationships, and money. 

Identify which area you’re most insecure about and would like to improve. 

For example, the area I’d like to improve in is money. So I spend my alone time taking action to improve this area by focusing on client work, cold emails, and my writing. 

The bottom line is, if there are things you don’t like about yourself that are affecting your confidence, you have two choices. 

You can either change your mindset or change what you don’t like. If you want to change what you don’t like, then use your alone time to work on it to build your confidence.

Action: 

Assess yourself based on your personality, emotional health, physical health, relationships, and money. 

Which area are you most unsatisfied with? 

Once you’ve identified it, come up with a plan to improve it during your alone time. 

For example, you can start with drinking more water if you’re unhappy with your physical health. Then, focus on eating healthier foods once drinking more water has become a habit. Over time, you can start to walk more and lift weights. 

The key is to start small and build momentum off of that.

Peak Productivity

Being alone gives you a chance to learn and do your best work. 

In Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi writes, “Our current research with talented teenagers show that many fail to develop their skills not because they have cognitive deficits but because they cannot stand being alone.” 

Simply put, we’re less likely to develop creative skills like writing, coding, and playing an instrument because these activities require focused, deliberate practice that’s often done when we’re alone. 

This is why many introverts are writers, artists, and musicians. We have more opportunities to work on and improve our creative skills since we spend a lot of time alone. 

Action: 

Think about a creative skill you want to learn. Dedicate some time for it. 

If, at first, being alone feels challenging, start with five minutes. Then, increase it to 10 minutes when five feels comfortable. And, slowly build it up to one hour. 

You’ll be (pleasantly) surprised even one hour of deliberate, focused work a day over a long period of time can greatly improve your skill.

Self-Understanding

Being alone gives you a chance to reflect and understand yourself without the influence of others. 

For example, researchers found people who went to an art museum alone had a stronger emotional response to the art compared to those who went with others. 

In a nutshell, being alone helps you pay more attention to your surroundings. To how you feel about the decisions you’re making. And to learn more about your priorities and values. 

The better you understand your personality, values, goals, and the life you want to create, the more you can improve on what you love about yourself and change what you don’t like.

Action: 

You can learn about yourself in many ways. Here are two of my favourites.

1. Journaling

Writing is my therapy. It’s where I unleash all my thoughts and feelings in a safe and nonjudgmental space. 

If you’re starting, I recommend beginning with journaling prompts. Get into the habit of asking yourself questions like, “What am I grateful for? What went well today? What didn’t go well? How can I improve tomorrow? How did I feel today?”

2. Solo Travel

I solo-traveled to a few countries in Europe in my early 20s. I discovered many things about myself through that experience. 

For instance, I realized I don't like creating travel itineraries. Instead I prefer to walk and go with the flow. 

When you travel alone, you find out if you’re a heavy packer or a light packer. If you’re a rigid planner or more of a go-with-the-flow type. If you’re decisive or indecisive. 

So if you ever have a chance to travel by yourself, do it. It doesn’t have to be to another country. It can be to a new coffee shop or a new city. What’s important is that it’s to a place you’ve never been before.

Final Thoughts

Here’s why you shouldn’t fear being alone. Instead, embrace the 4 advantages of solitude:

1. Being alone gives you a chance to rely on yourself.

2. Being alone gives you a chance to build your confidence.

3. Being alone gives you a chance to learn and do your best work.

4. Being alone gives you a chance to reflect and understand yourself without the influence of others.

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter. 

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest takeaway

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

It helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about so I can write content that’s helpful and relevant for you! 

Thank you so much for that! 

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

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Hi everyone, welcome back for another edition of A Joyful Life! Thank you so much for being here every week. ✨

Since last week, I’ve been thinking about ‘leaving’ social media. Except for LinkedIn, though. 

Now, when I say leave, I don’t mean delete my account forever. Instead, I mean, I’m going to stop posting and spending time on these platforms. 

Why? For 4 reasons. 

1. It’s so… fast-paced. Especially X. You see dozens of posts with one scroll. And every post is competing for your attention. And not going to lie, I’ve been finding that to be overwhelming. 

2. We’re all regurgitating the same information—I’m guilty of it, too. Most of us are talking about how to write better. How to gain followers. How to get more engagement. How to get more clients. And how to make more money. And again, I’ve been finding that to be overwhelming. 

3. We’re ‘networking’ with the intent of growing our accounts. What happened to commenting or talking to someone because what they shared was interesting? Because you resonated with their stories, experiences, and insights? Because you *just wanted* to? I miss that.

4. I feel overwhelmed—I notice I keep coming back to this word. As a writer, you’re *expected* to distribute your work everywhere. “You need to post on Medium. You need to repurpose your content on Twitter. On LinkedIn. On Instagram. On Pinterest. On TikTok. On Shorts.” You get my point. 

   Yes, I see the value of doing that. By posting your work everywhere, you build awareness. You attract opportunities. You can make more money. You can establish authority, trust, and credibility. And that is great. If that’s your goal, and it was mine, for a while. But now? I want to slow down. And I want to focus on one platform—Substack. 

So, why did I choose Substack as the foundation for A Joyful Life?

1. I don’t feel drained after using Substack. After scrolling on X, Instagram, TikTok, and all the other social media platforms, I just feel… tired. For the reasons, I listed above. 

2. On the reverse, I feel inspired and understood after spending time on Substack. The platform feels more authentic, relatable, and vulnerable. It feels ‘appropriate’ to share raw stories that probably wouldn’t be okay to share on other ones. It feels like a safe space. And it feels like the community here is striving to live a simple, peaceful, intentional, meaningful, and joyful life—My wish, too. 

3. The different functionalities. On Substack, you can write Notes. You can attach audio recordings. You can set up a podcast. You can start a community chat. There are so many options. And best of all, it’s *yours*. You own the content. 

And yes, I understand without promoting A Joyful Life on social media, I’ll grow slower. But I’ve made peace with that. I want to grow A Joyful Life in a way that feels intentional and meaningful for me. And in a way that attracts a community of readers who have the same values as me. 

So, what’s my plan for A Joyful Life moving forward? 

Well, I’m still figuring out the ‘best’ newsletter format. But I reckon I’ll increase the number of newsletters I send per week. Last week, I added an audio recording for readers who might want to listen to the newsletter instead—I might continue doing that. I’m considering making downloadable templates or resources for readers to use alongside the newsletters when appropriate. And I’m thinking about what to include for the paid subscription. 

All of this is still a work in progress. And I’d love to hear your thoughts—About what you’re looking for and what you’d like to see more of if you have time. 

Lastly, I want to say, thank you so much for being here. ✨

Now, let’s move on to the topic for this week: Breaking free from limiting beliefs. 

Do you have limiting beliefs that are holding you back from:

• Feeling confident? 

• From loving yourself? 

• From being authentic? 

• From reaching your potential? 

If so, here’s how I’ve learned to heal from my limiting beliefs. I hope it helps you, too. 

Step 1: Identify your limiting beliefs.

I like to do this in my journal for three reasons. 

One, journaling is me-time. It’s when I’m alone. It’s when I’m away from the noise of social media, people, and society. It’s when I can listen to my thoughts and feelings to understand myself and why I have these limiting beliefs. 

Two, journaling slows my mind down. When a limiting belief pops up in my mind, my mind runs at 100 kilometres per hour. And I start to dig in a never-ending rabbit hole of negative thoughts. Most of these thoughts are not productive. And I don’t get anywhere except feel worse about myself. But when I journal, my mind slows down. And it’s because I’m writing down all my thoughts so I ‘force’ my mind to match my writing pace. This way, I can process my thoughts in a more thoughtful and logical way. 

And three, as Anne Frank wrote, “Paper is more patient than people.” I don’t have to feel guilty about unloading all this negativity onto someone else. I don’t have to censor all my ugly thoughts because no one will listen to or read them. Only me. And I can be as honest as possible. 

Try This: Next time you feel upset or triggered, or you have a limiting belief repeating in your mind, write it down. Write down what happened. Write down the beliefs you have about yourself. For example, here are 3 common limiting beliefs:

1. I'm not good enough.

2. I'm not deserving of love.

3. I'll never be financially successful.

In my case, a limiting belief I’ve always struggled with is, “I’m not attractive.” So, I’m gonna walk you through how I’ve been overcoming this belief in these 5 steps. 

Step 2: Challenge your limiting beliefs. 

I’m not considered pretty in Taiwan. 

I don’t have double eyelids. I don’t have high cheekbones. I don’t have a high nose bridge. My face is a little round. I was chubby from grade eight to my first year of university. And I had crooked teeth (I didn’t get braces until I was in my second year of university). So I always felt terrified of going to see my relatives in Taiwan in fear of what they’d say. 

Last year, my grandmother called me ugly in front of all my relatives. And she said she couldn’t believe my brother and I were siblings since we looked so different. Everyone laughed. 

It was humiliating. It was hurtful. And I had never felt more ugly, more less, in my life. 

My partner was there at the time. And I translated to him what happened when we were alone. 

Afterward, he asked me, “Do you think you’re ugly?” 

I said, “Yeah.” 

He asked, “Why?” 

I said, “Because I’ve heard it from my relatives and people in Taiwan.” 

Then, he said, “You’re not ugly. But you need to build more confidence in yourself. You should let go of all expectations of receiving compliments from your relatives. And you should expect mean comments from them when we visit. Who cares what they think? It’s about how you think about yourself.” 

Easier said than done. But I knew he was right. 

Since then, I’ve started challenging that limiting belief about myself whenever it pops up. I’ll write in my journal, “Okay, so what if you don’t fit the ideal beauty standards in Taiwan? What can you do about it? You can either change your situation or accept it. You don’t want to get plastic surgery, so really, you have to accept the situation. This means, be prepared. Every time you see your relatives, don’t expect any compliments. Instead, expect one or a few negative comments. The real goal, though, is to build so much love for yourself that those comments don’t even bother you anymore.” 

So now, I’m learning to accept myself. Learning to build self-love. And learning to believe I am enough as I am. 

Try This: After identifying your limiting beliefs, it’s time to question yourself. To challenge these beliefs. 

Why do you think or feel that these limiting beliefs are true? Is there supporting evidence? Look for evidence where it isn’t true. 

If this is hard for you, you can talk to your friends, mentors, and therapists about it. 

Step 3: Replace your limiting beliefs with empowering ones. 

After I identify and challenge my limiting beliefs, I replace them with more empowering thoughts. 

Try This: For every limiting belief you have, swap it with a positive affirmation. 

Here are three tips to keep in mind when you’re writing them. 

One, start with “I”. This personalizes the affirmation. 

Two, focus on what you want. Not what you don’t want. 

Imagine you're driving a car and you're focused on not hitting a wall. You're constantly thinking, "I hope I don't hit the wall, I hope I don't hit the wall." But you end up hitting the wall. 

This is because your focus was on it. And where your focus goes, energy flows. I learned this from Tony Robbins. 

And three, write your positive affirmations in the present tense. This helps you believe what you want is already happening and achievable. 

In my case, I’ll write down, “I radiate beauty and confidence from within.” 

To give you more examples, here are three positive affirmations you can read to yourself that address the limiting beliefs I listed above:

1. I’m not good enough. → I am more than enough just as I am. 

2. I’m not deserving of love. → I am worthy of love and acceptance, flaws and all. 

3. I’ll never be financially successful. → I attract abundance and prosperity into my life. 

Bonus Tip: You can listen to guided positive affirmations first thing in the morning or right before you go to bed. Because your brain is the most impressionable during these times. 

What you think and what you say about yourself matters. 

So make sure you’re choosing thoughts and beliefs that align with who you want to become and how you want to live. 

Step 4: Act in a way that supports your desired beliefs. 

Thinking and telling yourself something isn’t enough to change your beliefs. 

You need to give your mind evidence or experiences that support the new belief for you to accept it. 

For example, I don’t feel attractive when I don’t move my body. When I don’t drink enough water. When I don’t get enough sleep. When I don’t eat well. And when I don’t take care of my mind, body, and soul, in general. I need to do all these things every day for me to feel good about myself. 

Try This: Look for evidence or experiences that support the belief you want. 

If you don’t have any, create them. Figure out what it is you need to do every day for you to get the evidence and experience for your desired beliefs. 

Here are examples of how to look and create evidence for the positive affirmations I listed above:

1. I’m not good enough. → I am more than enough just as I am. → Start a self-love journal. Every day, write down your small wins. Write down what you’re proud of about yourself. Write down something hard you did or something you overcame.

2. I’m not deserving of love. → I am worthy of love and acceptance, flaws and all. → Practice self-compassion and self-care activities. What does this look like? You can meditate. Take breaks. And do hobbies that bring you joy. 

3. I’ll never be financially successful. → I attract abundance and prosperity into my life. → Create a budget and savings plan. Set achievable financial goals. Learn to be financially literate. Start a side hustle on top of your 9-5 to create an additional income. 

Actions speak louder than words in shaping your beliefs.

Step 5: Treat yourself with compassion.

Changing your limiting beliefs is a life-long practice. 

It won’t happen overnight. 

And the thing is, it’s not possible to eradicate your limiting beliefs 100%. I used to think this was a bad thing. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to get rid of your limiting beliefs completely? 

But here’s what I realized: When I believed I could get rid of these thoughts completely, I’d beat myself up more when they appeared in my mind. 

But once I let go of that expectation, I began to be kinder to myself. To be more compassionate with myself. And to be more patient with myself. Because I no longer had that expectation. 

So instead of beating myself up when these limiting beliefs popped up, I’d say to myself, “Okay, I’m having this thought. Let’s write down why I feel this way. Let’s write down what’s true or not true about it. Let’s see what I can do about it.” 

Over time—with consistent effort and practice—you’ll reduce their influence. You’ll learn to recognize when they appear. You’ll learn to respond in a constructive and empowering way. And you’ll learn to treat yourself with love, compassion, and kindness—just like how you’d treat a friend.

As Seneca wrote, “What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.” 

Try This: Go back to Step 1 again to repeat the process whenever a limiting belief appears.

How you think and feel shape your actions. Your actions shape your experiences. Your experiences shape your behaviour. Your behaviour shapes your character. And your character shapes your life. 

So, to feel confident, live authentically, and transform our lives, we first need to address the thoughts in our minds. 

How? 

We need to identify, challenge, and replace the thoughts holding us back. We need to have personal accountability, to put in time and effort, and to act in a way that supports our new beliefs. And last, we need to give ourselves grace, compassion, and patience. Because change doesn’t happen overnight. 

Then, over time, we’ll break free from what’s holding us back to live with authenticity and confidence.

What I’m reading

• Episode 44: Are Even You Reading This? By — I resonated with this. It touches on abundance, being self-aware, and service to the world. And Joy is right. You never know who you might reach by sharing your voice, talent, and work with the world.

• ACTIVITY: The Reverse Bucket List by — Chris recommends you make a list of the amazing things you’ve already done! This helps you appreciate the ‘past You’. 

• 5 practices from Ayurveda that I've added to my life by This was a really interesting and fascinating read. I first learned of Ayurveda from Radhi Devlukia (Jay Shetty's wife). Since then, I've been meaning to learn more about it.

Before you go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

Also, as always, if there’s anything you want me to address, talk about, or answer, PLEASE email me your questions!

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

Every Sunday at 9 AM EST, I share actionable tips on mindfulness, positivity, purposeful living, and holistic well-being. Join our community of like-minded people on a mission to live in a state of joy, purpose, and well-being.

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Read Time: 4.52 minutes

Or you can listen to this newsletter below if you’d like. I hope you enjoy it.

Hi everyone! Welcome back for another edition of A Joyful Life. How was your week?! I hope it was a great one.

As for me, this Saturday, my partner and I walked around Margaret Island to enjoy the beautiful weather. 

I never knew what I wanted to do.

I’ve done waitressing. I’ve worked at the gym. I’ve been an aesthetician. I’ve taught ESL. I’ve done copywriting, content writing, and ghostwriting.

There are periods when I feel I’m on the right track. And then, there are periods where I feel I have no clue if I’m going the right way.

And sometimes, I feel like a failure. I turn 30 this year. I’m not married. I don’t have kids. I don’t have a house or car. I’m still figuring out my career. And I’m not making 6-figures.

But you know what? Lately, I’ve realized it’s okay to feel lost.

And if you’re feeling the same way, I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone. You’re not a failure. You’re going to be okay.

And here’s how to find your way again.

Find your way by disconnecting

Whenever I feel lost, I stop using social media for two reasons.

One, I don’t feel 'good' about myself after scrolling on Instagram, Twitter, or LinkedIn, especially when I’m already not feeling great about myself.

I get reminded I’m not 'enough' because I don’t have a six-pack. Because I’m not in the Maldives. Because I’m not making $30K/month. Because I don’t have a successful business.

So stepping away from social media helps protect my mental health.

Two, I want to turn inward. I want to listen to my inner voice, my intuition. So I can figure out what I want. What I value. And what is important to me.

I don’t want my mind filled with all the messages from people on social media pushing their beliefs, opinions, and values onto me about how I should live my life and what I should do.

The answers have to come from within.

Or else, you’re going to be so busy climbing that you never stop to check if you’re climbing up the right tree. And then years later, you’ll wonder why you’re unhappy and unfulfilled.

So give yourself space. Silence. Solitude. Give yourself the time to reflect. To build your self-awareness. And to figure out what it is you want and value.

You can do a digital detox. You can go on walks. You can journal.

The most important thing is to be alone so you can listen to your inner voice.

Find your way by slowing down

We live in a society where we want everything immediately.

Our food—That’s why we have services like Uber Eats and Food Panda. Our movies—That’s why we have Netflix. Our purchases—That’s why we have same-day deliveries. And answers—We want to know the solution to our problem right away.

When I first moved to Hungary in August 2021, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue to stay in Hungary or if I wanted to move back to Taiwan or Canada, where I grew up. I thought about it every day. But I still couldn’t figure out what I wanted.

Then, my mom said something to me. She said, “Why do you need an answer right away? Why do you need to make a decision immediately? If you don’t know what you want, why not wait, give yourself time, and see what happens?”

So that’s what I did. I stayed in Hungary and enjoyed my life here. Then, eventually, I met my boyfriend. And well, I’m still in Hungary.

So here’s what I’ve learned: You don’t need to see the whole staircase. You don’t need to rush to find an answer. Things unfold at their own pace. Solutions present themselves at the right time. So trust in that timing.

In the meantime, slow down. Take one step at a time. Be present. And appreciate where you are.

Find your way by exploring

I always experience the most growth after a period of feeling lost.

For example, in 2020, after my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I had the choice to move back to Canada or stay in Taiwan.

Going back to Canada meant returning to what was safe and familiar. Staying in Taiwan meant stepping into the unknown—a new city, a new apartment, and a new job with no close family and friends around. And I wasn’t fluent in Mandarin.

What choice do you think I made?

If you said stay in Taiwan, then you were right. I chose to stay in Taiwan even though I felt terrified, lost, and had no idea what would happen next. Because I knew staying would challenge me the most. And that’s how I would grow and become stronger and better.

And you know what? I was right.

During that period of feeling lost, I learned to be independent. I learned to love solitude. I learned to build self-awareness. I experimented. I tried dance classes. I got eyelash extensions. I tried spray tanning. I filmed TikToks. I finished 4 courses in digital marketing. I got jobs on Upwork.

And ultimately, it’s how I got to where I am today—writing online.

So, try to change your perspective on feeling lost. Instead of thinking you’re a disappointment, a failure, or that your life is ‘over’, think of it as a blessing.

It’s a chance for you to figure out where you are and where you want to go. It’s a chance for you to explore and do things you’ve never done before.

Have you always wanted to build your own computer? Do it! Have you wanted to try rowing? Do it! Have you always wanted to take hip-hop lessons? Do it!!! These are all real-life examples of new activities my friends have done.

Who knows where you could end up? That’s part of the beauty of life, isn’t it?

So, feeling lost is the perfect time for you to experiment, explore, and figure out what you want.

Make your period of feeling lost a season of saying ‘yes’ to things you’ve never done before.

Final thoughts

You’re not a disappointment. You’re not a failure. And you’re not alone if you feel lost. Keep going. You’ll find your way.

How I’m building my happiness muscles

I built a 7-figure creator business and quit. Here’s why.—I loved Vanessa’s authenticity and vulnerability in this video. 

I'm on my own again.—Matt’s story is similar to Vanessa’s. Both videos inspired me to reflect on my own life. Where I’m headed. And what truly brings me joy.

Chow chow's don't get enough attention; big balls of fluff!—This picture warms my heart! Sooo cute! 😭

Before you go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter!

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this poll:

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

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In 2016, I:

• Was anxious and depressed

• Was destroying my body with alcohol and drugs

• Had no idea what I wanted to do with my life

Now, in 2024, I:

• Am happy

• Take care of my health

• Live with meaning and purpose each day

What changed?

After moving from city to city, country to country, switching from job to job trying to find happiness…

I learned that happiness is an inside job. 

What does this mean to me?

1) True happiness comes from within. External things like looks, money, or success might give you temporary satisfaction. But lasting happiness is cultivated through inner work. 

2) Happiness isn’t just about what happens to you. It’s about how you choose to interpret and respond to life’s events. You can choose to be happy regardless of your circumstances.

3) Happiness is a skill. You can learn to be happy. It takes conscious effort, habits, and practices. But the more you do it, the more natural it gets. 

Since then, I’ve dedicated my time to learning more about happiness.

And now? 

I’d like to share what I’ve learned (and continue to learn) with you.

Because as Arthur C. Brooks said:

“If you want to be happier, you need to:

• Understand the science.

• Apply it to your life.

• Share it with others.

Because you won’t remember and hold yourself accountable unless you’re teaching it.”

That’s why I founded The Happiness Diary. 

What To Expect

Every Sunday at 9 AM EST, you’ll discover a proven strategy to boost your happiness.

Think of it as your weekly dose of happiness. 😋

You’ll learn how to:

• Take care of your body and brain health

• Develop a positive mindset

• Build strong relationships

• Find meaning & purpose

Ultimately, The Happiness Diary is a space to help you get happier. 

Final Thoughts

Thank you so much for being here!

I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

I’d really appreciate it if you could reply because it helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about and to make sure what I write is helpful and valuable for you.  I read every single reply. 😊

With all my love,

Irene

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I LOVE and look forward to writing these editions for five reasons. 

One, I get to reflect on my experiences, draw insights, and share them with YOU. 

Two, it helps me keep joy, peace, and happiness at the front of my mind. 

Three, because they’re at the top of my mind, I’m more resilient. 

Fourth, I get to think about and understand the concepts better myself. 

And last, I feel I’m making a positive contribution to the world. 

I hope these newsletters are adding joy to your life. I hope they’re valuable. I hope they’re relatable, authentic, and personal. 

Everything that social media is not. 

Are you ready for today’s topic? 

We’re going to talk about rejection, how to shift your perspective on it, and how to use it as a catalyst to get better!

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Getting rejected is not fun. 

It feels like getting a punch in the gut. It leaves you feeling inadequate, stuck, and unworthy. 

Here’s my step-by-step process on how I’ve been dealing with rejection.

Step 1: Process the rejection.

“Bummer.” 

That’s what my INTJ friend said when a huge project fell through. (He would’ve made thousands every month from this coding project.) 

But he shrugged the rejection off just like that. 

I’m not at the stage where I can ‘shrug it off’ yet. I still feel that initial sting when I get rejected from a lead or job. 

But rather than wallow in self-pity—like I used to do—, I’ve learned to process the rejection. To address those negative feelings head-on instead of letting them creep up and hit me like a ton of bricks later. 

Because they will. 

So, step 1 is to write down what happened. It’s best to do this with a pen or pencil and paper. 

For example, I might write, “I applied to a marketing job I *really* wanted but they sent me a typical rejection email with no feedback on my application.” 

This simple acknowledgment helps prevent those negative feelings from festering and overwhelming me later on.

Step 2: Rejection doesn’t define you.

“You’re dumb. You’re incompetent. Nobody is going to hire you.” 

These thoughts would fill my mind after every rejection. I would let the rejections define me. I would start to doubt my skills. And my worth. 

But here’s what I realized: Everyone gets rejected. Many record companies rejected The Beatles early on in their career. Facebook and Twitter rejected Brian Acton. He ended up co-founding WhatsApp and sold it to Facebook for 19 billion dollars. 

Do you know what both of these examples have in common? 

The Beatles and Brian didn’t let rejection define (or stop) them. 

So step 2 is, after you’ve written down what happened, challenge your negative self-talk. Write down your strengths. Write down what you love about yourself. 

To continue with my example, I wrote down, “You’re not dumb. You’re learning and getting better every day. You’re not incompetent. You’ve moved and lived in 3 different countries. You’ve taught and managed a class of 26 elementary kids. You’ve learned how to create a website, landing page, thank you page, educational email course, and so much more. Maybe the timing is wrong right now, but you will find your dream client and dream job. Keep going. You can do it.” 

Use rejection as a chance to practice self-compassion and to challenge your negative self-talk by listing your strengths and accomplishments.

Step 3: Rejection is redirection.

I first read this short, Zen story in Think Like A Monk by Jay Shetty. And I was reminded of it again when Sahil Bloom shared it on his LinkedIn: 

“There once was an old Zen farmer. 

Every day, the farmer used his horse to help work his fields and keep his farm healthy. 

But one day, the horse ran away. 

All the villagers came by and said, “We're so sorry to hear this. This is such bad luck.” 

But the farmer responded, “Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” 

The villagers were confused but decided to ignore him. 

A few weeks went by and then one afternoon, while the farmer was working outside, he looked up and saw his horse running toward him. 

But the horse was not alone. 

The horse was returning to him with a whole herd of horses. So now the farmer had 10 horses to help work his fields. 

All the villagers came by to congratulate the farmer and said, “Wow! This is such good luck!” 

But the farmer responded, “Good luck. Bad luck. Who knows?”

A few weeks later, the farmer's son came over to visit and help his father work on the farm. 

While trying to tame one of the horses, the farmer’s son fell and broke his leg. 

The villagers came by to commiserate and said, “How awful. This is such bad luck.” 

Just as he did the first time, the farmer responded, “Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” 

A month later, the farmer’s son was still recovering. He wasn’t able to walk or do any manual labour to help his father around the farm. 

A regiment of the army came marching through town conscripting every able-bodied young man to join them. 

When the regiment came to the farmer’s house and saw the young boy's broken leg, they marched past and left him where he lay. 

Of course, all the villagers came by and said, “Amazing! This is such good luck. You're so fortunate.” 

And you know the farmer’s response by now… "Bad luck. Good luck. Who knows?” 

Every time the villagers thought something ‘bad’ or ‘unlucky’ happened, it turned out to be a blessing. 

Has that ever happened in your life? Where something you thought was bad, later, turned out to be a good thing? 

Maybe, a relationship didn’t work out but you met someone even better after. Maybe, after countless job rejections, you got a job offer with a salary that was 3x higher than all the previous jobs. Or maybe, you got laid off and then, used that time to pursue, build, and grow your business. 

So, this leads to step 3 which is to remind yourself when you’ve been rejected, when something doesn’t work out, when something doesn’t go according to the way you had it planned out… 

Keep the faith that you’re being redirected to something better. Something far greater than you could’ve ever imagined or hoped for. 

I do this by writing in my journal, “What is meant for me, will be for me. God has plans for me. Not to harm me. But to prosper me.” Then, I read it aloud a few times. Give it a try. 

Step 4: How can you do better next time?

By now, I’ve addressed my feelings. Practiced self-compassion. Challenged my negative self-talk. And I’ve embraced the idea that rejection is redirection. 

This is when I begin to ask myself, “How can I get better? How can I do better? What is in my control?” 

For example, lately, I’ve gotten a few messages from my ideal clients, asking about my service. They weren’t super clear about my services, packages, or process. 

So, what did I do? 

I refined my offer. 

I followed the process outlined in Alex Hormozi’s book, $100M Offers. I got clear on my ideal client’s dream outcomes. I thought about ways I could maximize my perceived likelihood of achievement. I added a guarantee. Then, I put it all together in Canva. 

Now, I feel more confident about my offer and selling it. If it sells, great, I’m on the right track. If it doesn’t, then I need to refine and adjust it again. I’ll keep doing that until it sells well and delivers. 

So, step 4 is to think about how you can improve. 

In the context of relationships, instead of focusing on finding your dream partner, why don’t you direct that energy into bettering yourself? Get to know yourself and work on yourself because you attract who you are. 

In the context of job searching, could you tailor your CV and cover letter to each job description? Could you send a video cover letter? 

In the context of business, how can you create systems for the things you do regularly to increase your efficiency and improve your client onboarding experience? 

Use rejection as a catalyst for growth.

Step 5: Inoculate yourself against rejection.

It may not feel like it in the moment, but rejection is a good thing. 

It means you’re trying. You’re getting out of your comfort zone. You’re ‘shooting your shot’ with a boy. A job. A business. Anything. 

On the reverse, if you’re not getting rejected, then you’re (probably) coasting through life. 

Now, the great news is, that the more you get rejected, the easier it gets. 

For example, I’ve always wanted to be a barista. When I was younger, I dreamed of living in Europe, working in a cafe, clocking out at the end of my shift, and enjoying a slow, peaceful, and meaningful life, surrounded by people I love. 

So last weekend, I decided to give it a try. 

But here’s the thing. I don’t speak Hungarian. And I don’t have barista experience. 

That didn’t stop me though. 

I printed out my new CV, tailored for a barista position, and I walked in the city for four hours going cafe to cafe to hand in my resume. 

I was a bundle of nerves going into that first cafe. And by the 10th? It felt like a breeze. 

So, step 5 is to inoculate yourself against rejection by getting rejected more often. 

How? 

Send the cold pitch. Ask the boy out. Launch that business. Talk to a stranger on the street. 

What’s the worst that could happen? 

If you never ask, if you never try, the likelihood of something happening will always be zero. 

But on the reverse, the more you ask, the more you try, the more likely something will happen. 

So, take more chances. Get rejected more often. 

Final Thoughts

Embrace rejection. 

Look for the lesson and opportunity to grow from it. 

And trust you’re being redirected to something far better than you could’ve imagined for yourself. 

How I’m Building My Happiness Muscles

Her Psychology—This is an Instagram account I discovered this week.

Connie talks about filling your cup first, how to break free of self-limiting beliefs, simple ways to be kind to yourself, and so much more.

Also, Connie was a highly sensitive and introverted child growing up, so I related to her content a lot.

Check out and follow her account for simple reminders whenever you need a boost of motivational and inspirational content.

Peaceful Mind, Peaceful Life—"A negative mind finds fault in everything, but a positive mind finds opportunity in everything."

I moved around often, always searching for joy, meaning, and purpose. When I didn’t find it in a city, I'd believe something was wrong with the place and move again.

Now I know, the problem was me: my negative mind.

As the saying goes, "A negative mind will never give you a positive life."

If You've Been Rejected - WATCH THIS | by Jay Shetty—Jay is a master storyteller.

He offers practical tips based on ancient wisdom that teach us how to live a peaceful, purposeful, and more meaningful life.

I tend to listen to his content to reflect, refuel, and refocus whenever I feel down.

Thank you so much for being here! 😊

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

Every Sunday at 9 AM EST, you'll get one anecdote, lesson, or tip I've learned on how to be a better & happier person - to help you in becoming better and happier, too.

Subscribe now

Read Time: 6.37 minutes

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another edition of A Joyful Life. 

How have you been?! As always, feel free to respond and let me know. I read every single email and I reply, too. 😊 

Here are two updates before we get into the main content for today:

1. The most obvious one: I changed the name of this newsletter from The Happiness Diary to A Joyful Life. 

2. I’ve added 3 sections to my Substack Homepage: Mindfulness and Positivity, Purposeful Living, and Holistic Well-Being. These are my content pillars. I don’t have an exact rotation but my newsletters will always fall into one of these buckets. 

Also, here’s a fun fact for the day: ‘Irene’ (my name, in case you didn’t know 🤣) means peace. And that’s what I hope my newsletter brings to you—joy and peace in your life.

January 2024 was tough, workwise. 

I ended a contract with Client A. I haven’t received new work from Client B. I haven’t heard back from Client C since she agreed to work together. Three inbound leads said my rate was out of their budget. One outbound lead said the same, too. 

So, here are my three best tips for staying positive during hard times.

Win the day

Leila Hormozi said this in an interview on Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu. 

I typed it into my Notes app right after I heard it because 🤯(It’s the exploding head emoji if you can’t see it on your screen.)

She’s right. I realized I feel the most anxiety when I’m numbing myself with cheap dopamine activities. When I’m not doing anything to get more clients. When I’m not upgrading my skills in writing, email newsletters, or social media marketing. 

And I realized the anxiety I feel from staying in inaction is so, so much worse than the anxiety I feel from sending cold pitches. From being rejected from leads. And from not getting responses. 

So, here’s what I recommend: Create A Power List (I learned this from Andy Frisella.) 

Every day, write 5 critical tasks you must complete each day to help you make progress toward your biggest goals and dreams in life. 

If you finish all 5 of your critical tasks between the time you wake up and the time you go to bed, you win the day. If you fail to complete all 5 of your critical tasks, you lose the day. 

Why do I like this technique? 

Because it helps me focus on doing the work. On winning the day. On doing what I can today to get better instead of feeling anxious about the future or depressed about the past. 

So just win the day.

You’ll never regret this

I didn’t want to include this, but I had to. 

Because after living in Canada, Taiwan, and Hungary, I’ve realized how *uncommon* it is to take of your physical and mental health. 

It may seem like everyone does it and it’s the most natural thing to do if you do it because people like that surround you and you search for information about it. 

But trust me. You’ll be surprised by the number of people who don’t. 

So, my second tip is: Take care of your physical and mental health! 

There’s a gigantic difference in how I feel when I invest in my health versus when I don’t. 

Do one thing every day for your mind. Do one thing every day for your body. Do one thing every day for your soul.

You’ll never regret it. 

Here are 10 activities for each category to help you get started.

For your mind:

1. Regular phone calls with close friends for emotional support.

2. Sudoku puzzles for cognitive stimulation and mental agility.

3. Painting or drawing for creative expression and relaxation.

4. Seeking therapy or counselling for mental health support.

5. Learning a new language using language learning apps.

6. Morning meditation using guided apps for mental clarity.

7. Daily positive affirmations during the morning routine.

8. Mindful breathing exercises during work breaks.

9. Yoga and deep breathing for stress reduction.

10. Reading a novel for an hour before bedtime.

For your body:

1. Do dynamic stretches for flexibility and improved mobility.

2. Eat a balanced diet with fruits, vegetables, and proteins.

3. Schedule annual health check-ups for preventive care.

4. Practice sun salutations for flexibility and relaxation.

5. Drink 8 glasses of water daily for optimal hydration.

6. Practice diaphragmatic breathing for relaxation.

7. Reduce daily screen exposure for eye health.

8. Run in the park for cardiovascular fitness.

9. Get 7-9 hours of restful sleep each night.

10. Lift weights to build and tone muscles.

For your soul:

1. Morning meditation by focusing on breathing and calming thoughts.

2. Mindful eating by savouring flavours and appreciating each bite.

3. Daily gratitude journal listing thankful moments and reflections.

4. Reading sacred texts or poetry for spiritual growth and insight.

5. Painting or sculpting to express emotions and foster creativity.

6. Evening prayer or lighting candles for spiritual connection.

7. Affirmations like "I am resilient" for self-love and positivity.

8. Forest hikes to connect with nature and find inner peace.

9. Volunteering at a local shelter to help those in need.

10. Listening to classical music for relaxation.

You are not a machine

Justin Welsh wrote this on LinkedIn two weeks ago: 

This philosophy resonates with my approach to work. Here’s how it plays out in my life: I work on my five critical tasks during the day. Then, I do one thing I love in the evening to rest. 

Now, you might think, “You’re not working hard enough. You’re not sending 100 cold pitches every day. You’re not writing or studying every hour you get. You don’t want it bad enough.” 

And you’re right. 

I could be doing more. When you’re self-employed, there’s a neverending list of things you could be doing. So, where do you draw the line? When do you stop working? 

In my case, I feel I’ve already won the day and made progress toward my goals by completing my five critical tasks. I feel assured knowing I did what I needed to do. And I know my tiny actions will compound over time. 

I do not need to work every second, minute, or hour of the day to build a life I love. That’s not what A Joyful Life is to me. 

Is that A Joyful Life to you? That’s up to you to decide. 

But doing one thing I love every night lets me enjoy, be present, and feel grateful for life. That’s how I have the will to keep going the next day. Then, the day after that. And, the day after that. 

So, think about this: What do you love doing? Do you love running? Baking? Cooking? Painting? Reading? Crochet? 

Whatever it is, carve some time to do one thing you love every night. 

After doing all that you can…

Remind yourself to endure. To let go. To surrender to the Universe. To love whatever happens, ‘good’ or ‘bad’. To feel thankful for what you’re going through. 

These obstacles are building your character. These obstacles are paving the way for you. 

Don’t forget that.

How I’m building my happiness muscles

• Enter Your BAD B*TCH Era! - Break These "NICE GIRL" Habits To Master Confidence | Leila Hormozi—Leila talks about being unapologetic about your personal choices. She shares how you can turn your challenges into victories. And why a strong mindset is the key to every change and every success you ever have. 

• how to know when it’s time for a change—Aileen talks about how to know when it’s time for a change, and how to deal with the fear and uncertainty of change.

• How I boost my mood and energy when I'm feeling low—Radhi shares a few of her tips and tricks that help her get out of a funk and help uplift herself a bit faster.

Before you go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter. 

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest takeaway

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

It helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about so I can write content that’s helpful and relevant for you! 

Thank you so much for that! 

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

Every Sunday at 9 AM EST, you'll get one anecdote, lesson, or tip I've learned on how to be a better & happier person - to help you in becoming better and happier, too.

Subscribe now

Read Time: 6.27 minutes

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another edition of The Happiness Diary! 

I'll be honest—last week was pretty challenging for me. That's why I kept the introduction short at the beginning. 

Because I don't want these newsletters to be focused on negativity. I want them to be full of hope, joy, and positivity. 

But this week, despite nothing changing from last week, I feel a lot better. There are two reasons for that. 

One, I've been listening to Lavendaire's affirmations right when I wake up while I'm getting ready and making coffee. 

Two, I've been 'clocking out' fully in the evening. For the last few months, I've been checking emails and LinkedIn non-stop, right until I go to bed. I haven't done that at all this week. Instead, I've been reading and enjoying my evenings, completely forgetting about work. 

These subtle changes have helped me feel more positive and improved my sleep! Now, let's move on to today's edition.

How I’m Building My Happiness Muscles

• The World No.1 Happiness Expert: Single Friends Will Keep You Single & Obesity Is Contagious!—The key takeaway I learned from this episode is that if you want to be happier:

  • You need to understand the science.

  • You need to apply it to your life.

  • You need to share it with others. Because you won’t remember it and hold yourself accountable unless you’re teaching it.

• Golden Buzzer: Nightbirde's Original Song Makes Simon Cowell Emotional - America's Got Talent 2021—I cried like a baby when I watched this for the first time last night. Jane said three things that stood out to me: 

  • You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy. 

  • It’s important everyone knows I’m so much more than the bad things that happened to me.

  • I have a 2% chance of survival but 2% is not 0%. 2% is something, and I wish people knew how amazing that is.

• DO THIS Everyday To Completely Heal Your BODY & MIND | Dr. Daniel Amen & Jay Shetty—Here are 3 questions to ask yourself every day for better brain and mental health (That I learned from this episode):

  • Is this good for my brain or bad for it? To help you be mindful of the choices you make for your brain and health.

  • How can I make today a great day? To program your subconscious mind to find ways to make your day great. 

  • What went well? To practice gratitude. 

On Friendship

The older I get, the more I realize how hard it is to make friends. 

But you know what? 

I'm okay with that because I'm blessed with a close-knit group of family whom I've grown up with since childhood. 

Now, knowing how rare that is, I've made more of a conscious effort to treat them with love, respect, and gratitude. 

Here are five small but meaningful ways for you (and me) to be a better friend and build deep, fulfilling, and long-lasting connections.

#1 - Invest more instead of taking deposits.

Do you think you’re a good friend? I wasn’t when I was younger. 

In fact, I never thought about my actions toward others or reflected on my behaviour. So I took. Took. Took. As much as I could from my friends without giving it another thought. 

I complained to V for hours and days about the same problem over and over again. I asked him to bus to another city to pick up my passport because I couldn’t—I had work. I called A and L (more times than I can count) to cry about the boy who’d broken my heart.

When I look back, I often question myself, “Did I ever invest in our friendship? Did I ever do anything for them? Was I there for them when they needed me?” 

Now, friendships aren’t ‘transactional’. 

I’m not saying you should ‘keep score’ of the things they did for you and the things you did for them. I am saying you should reflect, “Am I giving more than receiving? Am I a positive influence in their life? Am I adding to their life? Or am I a toxic influence?” 

Much like how you wouldn’t want to always associate with people who are toxic or negative, make sure you’re not that person for someone else.

#2 - Go out of your way to do something special for them.

What’s your love language? 

In my case, it’s ‘Words of Affirmation’ and ‘Quality Time,’ so the tip I’m about to give doesn’t come quite naturally to me, but I cultivated it from being surrounded by friends who love doing this. 

What am I talking about? 

It’s this: Go out of your way to do something special for your friends. How? 

We surprised A with a birthday cake a few years ago. L surprised us by sending us all a DIY present during COVID-19. My cousin, who’s a great friend of mine, ‘broke’ into my apartment while I was at work, decorated my apartment, waited for me with a birthday cake, and waited until I got home to surprise me on my birthday. She drove 2 hours back and forth to surprise me. 

Now, it’s not about the gifts. It’s about the thought and the intention behind each action that matters, that conveys how much they mean to you.

So, go out of your way to make your friends feel loved and valued.

#3 - Take a trip down memory lane.

Warning: In my experience, doing this can get pretty emotional. 

About two weeks ago, I had a call with four of my friends in Canada. 

L was moving from Ontario to Alberta in a couple of days. L’s birthday was approaching, and so A had the idea to give L a surprise birthday celebration before she left. A asked us to recall our favourite memory with L. 

The result? 

The three girls—me, A, and L—bawling our eyes out. 

We realized we made so many beautiful memories together. We went through our awkward teenage years together. That period of self-discovery. Heartbreaks. All the highs and lows of adulthood. 

From this experience, I realized taking a trip down memory lane helps you reminisce on good times and helps you feel blessed for your friendships. 

I encourage you to do this exercise with your friends at least once or during major milestones.

#4 - Don’t make it all about you when they’re stressed.

I’m guilty of this. 

In the past, in an attempt to relate and connect, I’d share my story and similar experiences after they told me their problems. 

But lately, I realized it can be selfish to do that. So I’ve been trying to be more mindful of my responses. 

Instead of automatically responding with my own experiences, I’ve just started listening. Not listening to respond, but listening to understand. Listening to let them talk, process their feelings, and let go of their emotions. 

I realized a lot of the time, your friends aren’t telling you their feelings or problems to ask for your help to come up with a solution—They just need a listening ear. 

So, feel out what they need. Or ask them, “What do you need right now? Someone to listen? Or do you need help to figure out a solution?” 

The bottom line is don’t make it about you. Make it about them.

#5 - Check in on them.

I haven’t forgotten what one of my best friends told me, even though she said it 15 years ago. 

“I love it when someone messages me to tell me something reminded them of me,” she said. 

Since then, I’ve made more of an effort to send quotes, songs, gifs, memes, or screenshots to my friends that reminded me of them or that I think they’d find value in. 

You don’t have to wait until you find something that reminds you of them, though. Even a simple check-in message, “Hey, how are you? I’ve been thinking of you,” is meaningful. 

P.S. I know life can get busy, and it’s easy to forget to stay in contact with your friends. A little hack I do is write down their names in my weekly calendar on the Sunday column. Then, I tick off their name if I’ve connected with them during the week. It’s a simple visual tracking system that works for me. Give it a go! 

P.P.S. I’m not perfect at this, but it helps.

~

Deep, meaningful, and long-lasting friendships are rare. 

These are people who see you. Accept you, flaws and all. Push you to be better. Hold you accountable. Connect with your soul. 

Treat them with love, respect, and gratitude when you find them. 

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter. 

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest takeaway

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

It helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about so I can write content that’s helpful and relevant for you! 

Thank you so much for that! 

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

Every Sunday at 9 AM EST, you'll get one anecdote, lesson, or tip I've learned on how to be a better & happier person - to help you in becoming better and happier, too.

Subscribe now

Read Time: 9.21 minutes

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another edition of The Happiness Diary! 

How was your week?! As always, feel free to respond and let me know how you’ve been doing.

Now, without further ado, let’s dive into today’s edition!

On Parents

“You probably never thought about this, but around 90% of the time that you will have spent with your parents was done from ages of 0 to 18.” — Donn Felker

I turn 30 this year. 

From 18 to 27, I saw my parents once every year. Then, I moved in with them from 27 to 29 to be closer to them. 

I should’ve cherished those two years together more. Because three months ago, I moved away again. 

It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. 

Days leading up to my departure, I realized I wouldn’t be able to go to the night markets with my parents every Saturday anymore. I wouldn’t be able to help them at their restaurant in the afternoons anymore. And I wouldn’t be able to hug, joke, and laugh with them every day anymore. 

These realizations hit me like a ton of bricks. 

What *really* broke my heart though? 

Seeing my mom cry days leading up to my flight, on the day I left, and when she told me it’ll be harder for us to see each other from now on. 

Since that day, I’ve vowed to keep these 7 reminders at the front of my mind to appreciate, nurture, and strengthen my relationship with my parents. 

Your mom wants to feel beautiful, too. 

“Do you have to look and dress so shabby? My older sister said this to me,” whispered my mom. 

I looked at her. 

We had just got back after work—She and my dad worked from 4 AM to 2 PM at their restaurant while I went to help out around 11 AM to help them close up. 

She looked exhausted and on the brink of tears. 

My aunt said that to my mom as we walked through our living room when we got home. 

What’s worse? 

She said that in front of everyone—all our relatives were sitting there to celebrate my cousin’s wedding that night. 

Hearing that angered me—I felt angry at my aunt. And it broke my heart for my mom. 

At that moment, I realized three things. 

One, my mom is insecure about her looks. She feels insecure about her weight because women in Taiwan prefer to be thin. She feels insecure about her freckles because women in Taiwan want to have blemish-free, pale skin. She feels insecure about her age because people joke she’s the oldest out of three sisters even though she’s the youngest. 

Two, I realized why she’s insecure. Because of my relatives, how unabashed (and skilled) they are at pointing out other people’s ‘flaws in their eyes’ in front of everyone. Because of the toxic culture in Taiwan, with its unrealistic beauty standards. 

And three, my mom wants to feel beautiful, too. I realized that regardless of age, people want to feel beautiful. Feel good. Feel appreciated. And yes, this applies to men, too. 

So, the reminder for you and me: Tell your mom she’s beautiful more often. Give her more compliments. Give her opportunities to dress up. And invest in self-care products for her. 

This is their first time living, too.

I expected my parents to have all the answers when I was younger. 

I expected them to be right and do the right thing, always. 

And I expected them to be the perfect role models. 

But as I got older, I started to notice their flaws. Their mistakes. Their unhealthy behaviours, communication, and mindsets. 

And I started to feel a smidge of resentment towards them because I felt they were responsible for my childhood wounds like fear of abandonment due to their parenting. 

But recently, I realized (as I’ve been dealing with challenges in my own life) that they’re just like me. 

What do I mean by this? 

I mean, they’re human. This is their first time living on Earth. They also have their problems, traumas, insecurities, and own healing to do. They’re also learning and unlearning behaviours and mindsets that don’t serve them. 

But most importantly, I realized they raised me the best they could based on their knowledge and experiences. 

And in the end, it’s up to me to take personal accountability for my life by healing my wounds and traumas and working on myself. 

Because I’m an adult. 

So, the reminder for you and me: Give your parents some grace. Recognize they make mistakes. They don’t have all the answers. And they’re doing their best, just like you. 

They’re getting older.

I felt shocked every time I saw my parents when I was 18 to 27. 

Why? 

Because of how much they aged since the last time I saw them—I only saw them once a year during that period. 

It’s a striking difference compared to my memory of them in my childhood. 

And recently, I realized it’s so easy to get caught up in our day-to-day lives that we don’t grasp how much time is passing by every day. 

And with each passing year, you’re getting older. And so are your parents. 

So, the reminder for you and me: Make sure your parents are taking care of their health. 

I feel a ton of elderly Taiwanese people, especially in the rural Southern areas of Taiwan, aren’t educated about how to take care of their health. 

Simply because they don’t have the luxury of thinking about that—They’re so used to being in survival mode that they would rather work than rest even when they’re sick or have a broken arm. 

So, remind your parents the most important thing they can do for you is to take care of themselves. 

Call and see them more.

I saw this graph a few years ago. 

It’s about how much time you’ll have left with your parents and siblings after a certain age. 

It was shocking and depressing to see. 

But it served its purpose—It reminded me to spend as much time as I could with my parents and brother. 

This is why my biggest goal is to be location-independent and financially free—So I have the freedom to go see my parents and brother whenever and however long I want. 

Because I saw (firsthand) how heartbreaking it was for my parents to not be around family after they moved to Canada. I saw how my dad regretted not spending more time with my grandpa when he was alive. And I saw how heartbroken my mom was when she couldn’t attend my grandpa and uncle’s funeral because of COVID-19 flight restrictions. 

Witnessing these events made me realize I don’t ever want to be in any of these positions—if I can help it. 

So, the reminder for you and me: Spend time with your parents and siblings as much as you can. Call them more often—ideally, every day. Cherish those moments. 

They sacrificed everything to give you a new life.

The type of person my mom is: She’s unwilling to spend 2000 HUF to buy herself a drink from Starbucks because it’s ‘too expensive’ BUT she’s willing to buy that and more for me whenever I ask. 

The type of person my dad is: He’ll go buy me a humidifier simply because I said the air was too dry even after working 11 hours at the restaurant. 

My parents worked their butts off to provide for me and my brother, to give us a chance at a better life. 

They immigrated to Canada in their mid-to-late 20s. My dad never graduated from high school. They didn’t know any English. They had no money (They had to borrow from my grandpa.) And they had two young kids, ages 3 and 4. 

But somehow, they managed to open a flower shop at a farmer’s market. Then, they opened four stores selling sunglasses and hats. Then, they opened a restaurant. They worked from 8 AM to 10-11 PM Monday to Saturday. 

My brother and I both know our lives would be drastically different had we grown up in Taiwan. 

So, the reminder for you and me: Give back to your parents. 

First, hear me out. I’m not saying ‘give back’ out of a sense of duty or obligation. 

I’m saying, ‘give back’ because you want to. Out of love. Out of recognition and appreciation for all they did for you. Out of the desire to give them the same (and more) for what they’ve given you. 

Because you are where you are because of the sacrifices they’ve made for you—That’s the truth. 

They’re scared you won’t take care of them.

Warning: This might be a sensitive topic. 

In Western culture, it’s common for kids to ‘send’ their parents to senior homes. 

This is defo not the case in East Asian culture, at least in Taiwan. 

In most cases, families always live together. 

For example, in my own family in Taiwan, my grandparents, two uncles, and their two families all lived together at one point. 

Why? 

My mom told me it’s because one, it’s easier to take care of everyone this way—One big family, everyone helping each other out whenever they can. And two, everyone saves money. 

I think with most East Asian immigrant families (at least, in my experience), parents have a deep fear their children have adopted the Western mentality of not ‘physically’ caring for them in old age—They’re afraid they’ll be sent to a senior home. They’re afraid you won’t provide or take care of them. 

Now, I’ve heard a lot of opinions about this, so I don’t want to ‘get into it’. I don’t believe there’s a right or wrong answer. 

Just act on the one that feels right to you. 

For me, I’m working towards having my parents live with me so I can take care of them. 

So, the reminder for you and me: Take care of your parents, in whatever way that feels right to you.

Argue with them less. 

Growing up, I never *really* saw eye-to-eye with my mom. 

I argued with her—an unhealthy amount—when I first moved back in with them when I was 27. 

We argued about me getting my own apartment. We argued about me going out late at night. And we argued about me not wanting to participate in some Taiwanese traditions. 

Now that we don’t live with each other anymore, I learned two things. 

One, it’s easy to get angry at your parents. Why? 

Because they love you unconditionally. No matter what you say or do, you know they’re always going to love you so it’s easy to take them for granted and treat them like poop in the heat of the moment. 

Two, one of the toughest challenges in life is learning how to navigate relationships. Why? 

Because everyone has different opinions, thoughts, and expectations. This is especially true when you’re an immigrant because your parents grew up in one culture, and you grew up in another culture. 

Meaning, you’re bound to have clashing points of view. 

So, the reminder for you and me: Practice more patience. More compassion. More respect. And more understanding when you talk to your parents so you can learn to communicate and see each other’s POVs. 

And also argue less about things that don’t—really—matter. 

~

All in all, appreciate and spend more time with your parents.

How I’m Building My Happiness Muscles

• Episode #392: Stop REACTING! How To Respond With Grace & Class Every Time with Heather!—This was an amazing podcast episode! The key takeaway I learned was that it doesn’t matter who you are, what situation you’re in, or how old you are— We’re all going to be confronted with situations where we might not like how the other side is handling things. Heather’s advice is to NOT react. Give yourself time to cool off. Then, respond with all the grace and class within you.

• Episode #393: LEAVE The Past, EMBRACE The Present, & FORECAST The Future With Heather!—This year (like Heather) I’m challenging myself NOT to hold space for people, situations, and things that no longer serve me. To close the door on the past. So that I can OPEN the door to the present. To the future opportunities. To the incredible things that can show up. And I am SO encouraging you to do the same for an incredible year in 2024.

• A Court of Thorns and Roses Series—A huge part of living a happier life is doing the things you love! This week, I’ve spent a ton of time (maybe too much) reading this series! If you’re into fantasy and romance, then this series is for you!

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter. 

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest takeaway

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

It helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about so I can write content that’s helpful and relevant for you! 

Thank you so much for that! 

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

Every Sunday at 9 AM EST, you'll get one anecdote, lesson, or tip I've learned on how to be a better & happier person - to help you in becoming better and happier, too.

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Read Time: 9.14 minutes

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another edition of The Happiness Diary. 

How was your week?! As always, feel free to respond and let me know how you’ve been doing. 

As for me, this week was a whirlwind of emotions. 

Lots of excitement—I started working on a project for a podcaster. 

Lots of hope—Hoping that everything will proceed smoothly with my projects. 

Lots of anxiety—Worried (somehow) the projects will fall through. 

Lots of sadness—Because I was in the middle of talking to another potential client but it didn’t work out. 

LOTS (yes, it needed to be in all caps) of self-doubt and imposter syndrome, which is our topic for today so let’s dive in! 

Buckle up because this is a LONG one. 

On Confidence

Have you ever struggled with self-doubt and imposter syndrome?

You know, feeling like you’re not good enough. You’re way over your head. A fraud. And scared someone will expose you.

Well, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Why?

Because I pivoted from ghostwriting social media captions to Educational Email Courses and newsletters in the middle of December. So I feel like I’m starting from zero.

In the last month, I’ve had to learn how to create high-converting landing pages, thank-you pages, set up sequences, visual automation, and self-pacing. And how to do cold outreach (properly).

So yes, I’ve been feeling like an imposter as I tell people I’m the right person to work with to build their newsletter. ;’)

Here’s how I’ve been building my confidence to overcome my self-doubt and imposter syndrome to live a happier life.

The obstacle is the way.

“I love having my back against the wall.” 

My brother said this to me last May when we were talking about our careers, finances, and life. 

Right now, he’s a Regional Manager of a Fortune 500 Company. He makes over six figures a year. He owns one property. He has a dog. He’s in a long-term relationship. And he’s jacked—He’s completed in two bodybuilding competitions. 

Most people envy him. They say he’s successful and living the Canadian dream. 

But… they don’t know what it took for him to get there. 

Let’s rewind to 2017. 

At the time, our parents had moved to Budapest. He had just graduated from university. Started a new job. Was 20K in student debt. Had no money. And his ex-girlfriend (also, his best friend since grade nine) left him for another guy so he had to move out of their apartment. He had to move into his friend’s basement because he had nowhere else to go. 

Most people would break at this point. 

But, he didn’t. 

“One day, I was driving to work and tears were streaming down my face. I told myself, “I’m going to make something of myself. Just watch”,” that’s what he told me. 

For years, he stayed in that tiny room with no bed—he slept on a couch—living out of his suitcase, while he put his head down and worked. 

He’d get up at 5 AM to journal and read. Work from 6 AM to 7 PM. Do his workout. Do another hour of cardio. And go to sleep. He even went in on Sundays to do extra work that wasn’t required of him. He did this for years. 

And slowly, he worked his way up from Assistant Manager. To Branch Manager. And now, to Regional Manager. 

My brother is one of the most confident people you will ever meet. He told me he loves having his back against the wall because that’s when you have nothing left to lose. 

It forces you to be resourceful. It forces you to work hard. It forces you to find a way to break through. 

And when you do break through, it feels incredible, knowing you overcame your obstacles, all the odds, knowing you made it. 

As Ryan Holiday wrote, “When we meet with adversity, we can turn it into an advantage. [...] When you have a goal, obstacles are actually teaching you how to get where you want to go—carving you a path.” 

How? 

As my brother did, look for the opportunity in the obstacle. Get to work. Work hard. Focus on what is in your control. Live in the present moment. Be honest. And help others whenever you can. 

That’s how you build confidence in yourself. 

Keep the promises you make to yourself.

You’re always watching yourself. 

You know whether you’re going to follow through on what you said you’d do—or not—based on your past behaviour. And every time you don’t do what you say you’re going to do, you chip away at your confidence. 

Each time I tell myself I’m going to stretch for 45 minutes and don’t, I’m chipping away at my confidence. Each time I tell myself I’m going to send another cold DM and don’t, I’m chipping away at my confidence. Each time I tell myself I’m going to finish 75 Hard and don’t, I’m chipping away at my confidence. 

Do what you say you’re going to do. That’s the key to building confidence. 

Get better.

An underrated way of building confidence? 

Get better at what you suck at. 

For example, I don’t feel confident about writing, building, and launching Educational Email Courses and newsletters. Why? 

Because I *literally* just started learning these skills. 

So what have I been doing? 

I’ve been reading and implementing the lessons I’ve learned from the top newsletters about newsletter growth. I’ve been watching YouTube tutorials whenever I get stuck on something. I’ve been creating landing pages, thank you pages, and writing newsletters for others for free to get better at it and refine my processes. 

My advice is, to take a look at where you feel most unconfident. Is it your career? Your finances? Your physical health? Your mental health? Or your relationships? 

Then, dedicate 30 minutes to an hour every day focusing on a skill that could help you build your confidence in that area. 

Don’t let being afraid of ‘sucking’ hold you back. 

Everyone—all confident and successful people—started at the bottom. 

Feed your mind people and things that encourage confidence.

As Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” 

To be honest, I don’t spend much time with anyone other than my partner haha. 🥲

My best friends are in Canada and Taiwan. And I haven’t made much of an effort to make friends in Hungary. 

Instead, most of my “interactions” so to speak come from writers I’ve met online, authors, podcasters and YouTubers who are inspiring, empowering, and positive. 

Because who you spend time with and what you feed your mind matters. 

So choose wisely. 

Fill your head with positive, uplifting, and encouraging words about yourself. 

“I’m so dumb. I’m a failure.” 

These thoughts have been popping into my mind multiple times a day recently. Does this happen to anyone else, or is it just me haha? 🥲

But I know it’s because I’m in a transition period right now. I’m in a period where I’m doing things I’ve never done before. Where I’m learning. And where I’m failing (epically haha). 

It’s scary how our minds can be our greatest enemy if we can’t control it. But it can also be our greatest ally. 

The first step to being friends with your mind is to recognize that not all thoughts are true. 

Then, address it. Ask yourself, “Why am I having these thoughts,” to get to the root of the problem. 

And finally, replace it with a more empowering one. 

I do this in three ways. First, I *literally* shout out loud “Stop,” to stop the negative self-talk dead in its tracks. 

Then, I say something like, “No, you’re not dumb. You’re learning. You’re growing. You’re getting better every day.” 

Second, I like to recite positive affirmations whenever I need a lil’ pick me up. I recommend Lavendaire on YouTube for this. 

And third, I write, “I am worthy of love. I am worthy of success. I am worthy of abundance,” when I’m journaling. 

What you think and say about yourself matters because it reflects your reality. 

So make sure you’re filling your head with positive, uplifting, and encouraging words about yourself. 

Celebrate your small wins by tracking your progress. 

Why? 

Because it gives you the momentum to keep going even when it feels like you’re not making any progress. 

How have I been doing this? Two ways.

First, I’ve started writing down my small wins and adding them to my Happiness Jar. It feels rewarding to see those little notes piling up in my jar.

Second, I have a habit tracker on Notion. Each time I finish a non-negotiable task for the day, I tick the box off. 

Both of these little tricks remind me I’m working on my goals every day. 

And that’s something to be proud of.

Practice gratitude daily to help you remember all the good in your life and the positive things about yourself that make you unique.

I’ve been focusing on my lack a lot lately.

Lack of quality clients. Lack of family and friends around me. Lack of progress.

I realized it’s (actually) scary how, if we’re not aware of our feelings and thoughts, they sweep us away and determine the rest of our lives.

To counter this, I’ve been intentional about carving time for gratitude to focus on what I do have.

My partner. My parents. My brother. My long-distance friends.

And also, to be grateful for my strengths and skills, and the opportunities and choices I’ve had so far.

My work ethic. My willingness to show up to do what needs to get done. My growth mindset.

Recognizing and expressing gratitude for these positive aspects not only shifts my perspective but also boosts my confidence.

It reminds me of the valuable qualities I have, which helps me build a more positive mindset.

So I encourage you to practice gratitude daily to help you remember all the good in your life and the positive things about yourself that make you unique.

You can do this through journaling or just saying it in your head.

These are powerful tips to shift your perspective and build your confidence.

Confident people treat themselves with respect by caring for their minds, bodies, and souls.

What’s the first thing that gets thrown out of the window when we’re busy, stressed, or depressed? 

For me (and maybe for you, too), it’s self-care. Why? 

Two reasons. One, we often perceive self-care as lower in priority compared to our other 'urgent' tasks.

For example, I’m guilty of thinking, “I need to do more. I should be doing more,” because I work for myself. So lately, I’ve been telling myself, “Look, it’s more important you finish this task than go on a 45-minute walk.” 

Now (obviously) this depends on your situation, but in my experience, I’m almost always more productive and finish a task with more efficiency after a walk. 

Two, we just might not have the energy to do them with our busy schedules. 

As a result, we start to let ourselves go. And our confidence plummets. 

So I’d argue that it’s precisely when we’re busy, stressed, and depressed that we need to put more time and energy into our self-care. 

What do we need to do? Work out. Go for walks. Eat healthy. Sleep well. Drink water. Stretch. Read. And do the things you love. 

Because confident people treat themselves with respect by caring for their minds, bodies, and souls. 

How I’m Building My Happiness Muscles

• #374: How I Get Through Tough Times & Find My Happiness with Heather!—This is the first episode I’ve listened to from this podcast. I felt like I was listening to a big sister giving me advice. I loved Heather’s energy, passion, and insights. She reminded me that the most selfish thing we can do is to help others. And that a simple way to feel better when we’re going through a hard time is to help someone else. 

• Good Vibes, Good Life—I read this book by Vex King a while ago. But I like to re-read sections of it whenever I need a quick pick-me-up. It’s a positive, uplifting book with short, actionable tips and takeaways on living a happier and healthier life.

• 5 Minute Morning Meditation for Abundance🌿—I found this video just this morning and it couldn’t have happened at a more appropriate time! It’s another video by Lavendaire (Can you tell I love her work 🤣??) It’s a short guided meditation to help you start your day with abundance, positive energy, and powerful visualization.

Before You Go

I hope you enjoyed reading today’s newsletter. 

If you have a minute, I’d love for you to respond to this email to let me know:

• Your biggest takeaway

• Your biggest challenge

• Your biggest struggle right now

It helps me understand what you’re interested in learning more about so I can write content that’s helpful and relevant for you! 

Thank you so much for that! 

I’ll see you next Sunday,

Irene

P.S. Whenever you’re ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:

1. I ghostwrite newsletters for wellness podcasters.

2. Grab my FREE Notion template to build your second brain.

3. Read my FREE 5-Day Educational Email Course about email growth.